One Dad's Journey

October 2008 - Posts

• Do you suffer from the Microwave Popcorn Syndrome?

  I knew I had a problem when I made some microwave popcorn the other night during a commercial of one of my favorite TV shows. Here is what happened. I opened up the popcorn bag and placed it in the microwave. I hit the popcorn icon on the microwave’s control panel. The microwave automatically weighed the popcorn (3.5 oz) and automatically programmed the length of time it would take to make the perfect bag. But then my problem began to surface. As it was popping, I found myself starting to get impatient. It takes an entire 90 seconds to pop the popcorn, but about 60 seconds into the process, I was getting frustrated about how long it was taking to finish. Then it hit me. What in the world is my problem? Why am I so impatient? Why am I always in a rush? Why am I always in a hurry? When I was a kid, if you wanted to have popcorn, you had to think ahead. You had to get the jar of Orville Redenbacher out of the pantry, get out the pan, turn on the stove, pour in the oil, heat it up, and cook it. If you wanted butter, you had to get out a separate pan, cut off a slab of butter from the stick, and melt it. It took some time. It was a family event. And it tasted great. My popcorn making incident the other night reminded me of the fast paced, plugged in, instantaneous society that we now live in. That in itself is not bad, but when we expect to develop high quality relationships with others, especially our kids, in the same fast paced, instantaneous manner, we are in for trouble. And to be honest, I sometimes don’t walk the walk with my kids and don’t spend enough time with them. I expect our relationship to be good, without spending the time. It just doesn’t work that way. High quality relationships take time, a great deal of time. Kids and parents need quality as well as quantity time together. When you spend, unhurried time with your kids, you are communicating to them that they are valued, important, and you love them. I encourage you to join me in working on becoming more intentional in spending time with your kids. Some ideas to consider are spending more time talking, hanging out, playing board games, watching movies, doing homework, eating dinner, going on picnics, swinging on the swings, listening to music, playing Frisbee, walking the dog, watching football, eating chocolate chip ice-cream, fishing, camping, shopping, eating donuts, cooking, laughing… and even eating some microwave popcorn. Posted Oct 31 2008, 06:06 AM by Coach Scott with no comments Filed under: Family Time, Intentional

• Toddlers and Teenagers Both Fall Down

  My kids are no longer in the toddler stage.  In fact, they are far from it at age 7, 10, and 13.  But I can remember it like it was yesterday.  I can remember them pulling themselves up from the crawling position and taking their first steps across the room into Mommy or Daddy’s arms. As the weeks went by, they became more mobile and the toddling became more common and they moved across the floor more quickly.  Of course, when they began to toddle, they also began to topple, falling on their knees, faces, and bottoms.   And my wife and I were there helping them up, encouraging them, and shouting words of praise.  Falling down is part of the process and so is skinning their knees and bumpin’ their noggins.    As my oldest begins her teenage years, in a very real sense, she is doing some teenage toddling.  She is finding her way at school, with her peer group, with her ideas and opinions.  To extend the metaphor, she is becoming more “mobile” in the world and bumps and bruises are more emotional and social, but they are just a real, and just as painful.  So where are her mom and dad now during those teenage toddling years?  We are right there helping her up, encouraging her, and shouting words of praise.  Can you imagine someone yelling at their two year old for falling down when learning to walk or refusing to help her up when she falls down?  How about not putting a band aid on her elbow when she takes a spill in the driveway running after the soccer ball you just kicked to her?  So our parental challenge is to remember that she is toddling into young adulthood and she is going to make mistakes, and goof things up, and “fall down.”  But where will my wife and I be.  You’ll see us right there in the stands and on the field cheering her on, encouraging her, teaching her, correcting her, and helping her up when she falls.  I invite you to join us.  I’ll even buy you a hot dog when I see you on the sidelines… Posted Oct 29 2008, 04:48 AM by Coach Scott with no comments

• Helping your Kids find "IT"

  Kids come in different shapes and sizes on the outside, but they also come in different shapes and sizes on the inside.  They are wired with certain personalities, temperaments, interests, and strengths.  Of course their environment influences their development, but the themes and flavors of their personalities are constant throughout their lives.  As a parent of three children, I have found it challenging at times to avoid trying to shape my kids into some kind of pre-conceived mold of how I think they should be.  We often try to move our kids, albeit unconsciously, into interests, sports, hobbies, and careers that have given us some measure of success in our own lives and those areas that fit our own individual personalities.    When we try to force our kids into areas that do not interest them or those that do not play to their strengths, they often resist, but even more importantly, they live their lives pursuing our interests instead of theirs, and end up being unhappy.  That thought has motivated my wife and I to make a conscious commitment to helping our kids discover what we call their "IT."  The word IT is a short acronym that stands for "Individual Touch" and we feel it is our job as parents to help them discover, nurture, and express their "IT" to the world.  A word picture that helps us do this is the vision of a funnel.  It works something like this- we introduce our kids to a wide variety of activities, interests, subjects, and people.  Or in our funnel language, we place a variety of things into the top of the tunnel to see what shakes out.  We take an active role in seeing which interests bring out the passion in our kids and we pay attention to those activities in which they gravitate towards.  Over the years, as myriad things go through the "funnel" those that fit their personalities, temperaments, interests, and strengths flow out the bottom of the funnel and we help them explore and embrace those things- which helps them express their "IT."  When we support our kids in this way, when they grow up and come visit us in our rocking chairs, I bet they will thank us for "IT."  Even if they don't, they will be happy.  And that's enough thanks for me.  Take care!     Posted Oct 15 2008, 01:33 PM by Coach Scott with no comments

• A Lesson from the Marketplace

  During my career in a variety of professional and organizational settings, I was often asked to learn something new to adapt to the changing demands of the marketplace.  For example, I have been asked to learn new computer software programs, billing protocols, employee benefit packages, and employee development models.  It was a given that to be successful in my career I had to learn, grow, and adapt.  That on-going learning approach has served me well over the years, but it has only recently dawned on me that I need to have that same mindset and expectation when it comes to parenting my three children.  If I am going to be effective in developing a loving, quality relationship with my kids, I have to learn and adapt to their unique learning styles, temperaments, and personalities.  They are all very different and require different things from their dad at different times.  In addition, as they grow and mature, what they need changes over time.  As a result, I need to change, grow, and mature along side them so I can effectively respond to their changing needs.  For example, as my daughter enters her teen years, I have had to add tools to my parenting tool box and sharpen others.  Listening to my daughter, really listening, has become much more important, as well as learning how to text so I could communicate to her in a medium that she enjoys.   For her to feel loved and appreciated, I learned that she needs plenty of loving words and affirmations, so I have also discovered the lost art of letter writing.  Receiving letters from her dad is somthing she cherishes (at least that is what my wife tells me).  My daughter doesn't say much about the letters to me, but I can tell she likes them.  I can see it in her smile. My youngest daughter on the other hand could care less about letters.  What she wants to do is snuggle and listen to stories and read books with her dad.  She likes to hug, give high fives, and sit close while watching a movie.   Now throw my middle daughter in the mix, and she is not a hugger or a word person.  She doesn't care much about high fives or getting letters or words of affirmation (although I do those as well).  She's a quality time person.  She just loves hanging out, going to the store, doing homework together, and other activities where we are just hanging out.  So just like I learned to adapt and change to meet the unique needs in my vocation, I now change the way I interact with each of my children so I can meet their unique needs and love them in the way they need to be loved.  I encourage you to do the same.    Posted Oct 13 2008, 10:30 AM by Coach Scott with no comments