Discipline is about teaching.
The word discipline comes from the Latin root “to teach.” And that’s exactly what helping your child develop healthy behaviors involves -- teaching her which behaviors are acceptable and which are not.
It’s also about demonstrating:
- What you value, as a parent;
- How to treat others;
- Anticipating the effects of his choices;
- Becoming self-disciplined.
Sibling rivalry provides a good example. Your teaching focuses on helping your children learn to constructively work through disagreements and solve problems.
The way you do this communicates volumes about your values. If you teach in a respectful, empathetic manner, you teach your children your value of respect.
You also teach responsibility. When a child harms another and you explain the importance of an apology or helping to repair the damage, you send powerful messages about empathy and the importance of taking responsibility for her actions. For more information on teaching your values, check out: [link to Values when it's uploaded].
Your child learns how to treat others by what you say and do:
John is really angry with his sister, Sally, and is ready to hit her. Mom is very angry that John would hit his little sister. She grabs John, yells at him, and spanks him. Let’s say that instead, when Mom feels her blood pressure rising, she takes a deep breath, then walks quickly over to John and removes him from the situation. She helps John calm down and take a break.
Grabbing, yelling and spanking show John these are acceptable ways to handle anger. By contrast, when Mom deliberately steps back to gain control over her own anger, she shows John the importance of calming down first when angry, then dealing with the problem. For more on anger management check out: Children's Anger and Tantrums.
Children learn quickly what they can expect from their behavioral choices, both positive and negative, by testing their limits to see what they can do without any consequence.
A parent who uses rewards or punishments learns how quickly a child registers this information:
Take Rachel. One morning, she wouldn’t put her school clothes on. In frustration, her mother said, “If you get dressed quickly, I’ll give you some M&M’s.” Not surprisingly, Rachel put her clothes on. The next day, when it’s time to get ready for school, Rachel asks, “Do you have the M&M’s ready?”
