Does this mean I have become my mother?

December 2008 - Posts

• New Year- New Hope

  New Year's Eve.... this day has so many different meanings for each of us. In our family it is our daughter's birthday. What a spectacular memory-the day of her birth. Over the years we have had so many fun New Year's eve parties at our house-mostly kid themed and not a lot of adult partying. But New Year's Eve has many more meanings as well. It is a time of reflection on the past year and what to look forward to in the coming year. It is a time for making resolutions and intentions. As parents, we can all become more intentional in our lives and in our parenting. Over the past few years our time with our daughter, on her birthday, has been limited to a few family members for dinner and then she goes on her way to meet up with friends to spend the rest of her evening. But we have kept a tradition of writing down our intentions and predictions for the coming year and secretly tucking them away into an envelope until the next year. It is always fun to open them and look the following year at what was written. Although it is just a simple activity, a family tradition, it has quite a bit of meaning. Not only is it important to have traditions and rituals to keep your family strong- It is important to be intentional in your parenting and teach your children how to be intentional in their lives. I would love to hear some of your traditions and ideas for celebrating the New Year ! Please comment!! Here are some tips for using New Year holiday as an opportunity to share with your children: Have your family think of their successes over the past year . Write them down, (for young children you may have them dictate to you.) Have family members write down their hopes and dreams for the New Year. Give each member an envelope to put them in they can keep them private if they like. Have each member pick one of these hopes or dreams and make it a goal. Help them to detail the steps it will take to reach this goal. Write it all down and put in a place where they will be able to look at it periodically. You could also make a special box or container for this to be strored. Share with your children your hopes and dreams for the New Year. Let them watch you model setting a goal and attempting to reach it.  Share with them your successes and failures along the road. Take a family picture. Talk about the changes that we have all gone through over the past year. Help your children to recognize how they have dealt with change and how they can use those skills in the future. Use this time to teach your children about loss, as well. The passing of this year and its events will become their memories and the New Year will bring new and exciting experiences. Hold a ceremony in your home for the New Year. Celebrate the closing of one year and the beginning of the new start. In our house we will be lighting candles and watching and listening to each family member's contribution. ( music, story, poem, or picture.) Enjoy yourself and look forward to a New Year filled with promise and hope!! Posted Dec 31 2008, 07:17 AM by Coach Jamie with 1 comment(s) Filed under: values and beliefs, intentional, grief and loss, joyful, optimism, positive parenting, traditions, strengths, holidays, family traditions, lntentional parenting, New Year's celebration, Goal-setting, Parenting, birthdays, teaching, New Year, hopes, dreams

• A Favorite Tradition

  I love this time of year, the holidays are full of fun and memorable experiences. As parents, typically we focus the most on our children during this season, spending time creating lasting memories. Although I thoroughly enjoy the magic of this time of year for children, and my role as a parent to embrace the excitement and joy, I also look forward to connecting with adult friends and family. One of my favorite family traditions is "Adult Night." My husband is the oldest of 8 children, who all are married and have children of their own, (which adds up to over 40 people when we all get together.) All live in the same city and stay fairly connected with each other. We all go to grandma and grandpa's house for Christmas Eve. Typically everyone is there and while it is something that all of the cousins and adults look forward to ---can you say crazy? Usually there is very little time for anything but making sure your kids get fed and you don't go home missing a shoe. Needless to say, the rest of the week is filled with my side of the family's events and other commitments and obligations. So a new tradition was started --Adult Night. All of the 8 siblings and my husband's parents get together on a night before the holiday rush begins. We each take a turn hosting the party at our house. This year it was our turn. I am happy to say we survived! We had a wonderful night of good Italian food served on real china, with candles lit, sans worrying that one of the kids was going to find it and burn the house down. There was good conversation, I actually finished a sentence and was able to listen to someone else, while Christmas music played. I ended the night with a few wine stains on tablecloths instead of pizza handprints on my walls and juice box stains on my carpet. I reconnected with a few family members, and had a few laughs. I am now ready to take on the rest of the holidays-- renewed with the spirit of Christmas.  I am looking forward to the squeals of nieces and nephews opening gifts and the craziness of it all!. Posted Dec 21 2008, 07:42 AM by Coach Jamie with 1 comment(s) Filed under: overscheduling, family memories, holidays, parenting role, siblings, connecting, adult time, family traditions

• The drama of Drama... sports...and anything where your children must compete in "tryouts"

  Over the past few weeks there must have been a considerable number of casting calls and sports tryouts for kids-- because in every group of mothers and fathers that I have been with lately, at least one, usually more than one, have had a horror story on this topic. Typically, it is a story about someone being chosen for a part or a team unfairly, or that the method of choosing -- although expectedly hard, was handled with a lack of empathy and in a particularly calloused manner.  I am writing on this topic, because I want to ask all of you that are in charge of making these decisions to remember these things when you think about planning the process of choosing children whether it is for a team, for a part in the play, or to represent the class in the geography bee. Make sure all participants who are eligible to try out know the rules of the competition-- no surprises--keep them informed each step of the way. If kids are called back for a second audition or a second try-out. Let them know what that means and what their chances are. It is so much easier to deal with disappointment and success if you know what to expect. Be fair. DO NOT let the fact that you know-- someone's mother will go through the roof if their daughter doesn't get the part-- influence your decision. If you feel biased about the decision, then let someone unbiased have input and help with the process. Be able to explain your decision and back it up with legitimate reasons. Announce the team or the cast in a way that lets everyone keep their dignity. Think about how it will feel to get the part --and how it will feel to NOT get the part. Posting a sign in the middle of the school during the day would be ridiculous. Allow students to have privacy to feel sad or emotional. They have tried very hard and put themselves out there- they deserve to be treated with dignity. Be there for the fall-out let the kids who didn't make it have the opportunity to ask questions and find out what they might work on to increase their chances for the next time. Encourage kids to be kind to each other and squash bragging and talking smack. It makes it hard to enjoy your success and hard to handle disappointment if we all don't treat each other with dignity. It starts at the top.    Disappointment is a fact of life. It is painful and even more painful when we have to watch our children experience disappointment. For parents it is an opportunity to teach our children many things. As the Dali Lama says, "Even if you lose -don't lose the lesson." But for those of you in power over our children: drama teachers, coaches, scout leaders, etc. etc., remember the lesson that will be remembered long after the play is over and the game is won--is the lesson on how to treat each other.  Parents stay tuned for ways to handle these situations and how to help your child deal with disappointment and success........ Posted Dec 14 2008, 05:16 PM by Coach Jamie with 1 comment(s) Filed under: intentional, anxiety and stress, communication, intentional parenting, dignity

• A Charlie Brown Christmas

  One of my favorite memories as a child was watching the christmas specials on TV, stringing popcorn and cranberries on thread and  decorating our tree. My family always had a live tree and we would use the popcorn-cranberry garland as decoration. Of course, there were no video recorders or TiVo so, we would only get to watch the special on the night that it aired on TV,(I am showing my age.) How wonderful! My favorite special was Charlie Brown's Christmas. Not only did it have the best jazz music for the characters to dance to- (isn't that the best? when they dance), but it had a great message as well. The characters talked about the biblical story of christmas and the true meaning of the season. The story had a great message about commercializing holidays and traditions as well, and in this time of economic crisis that is a welcomed message, (although who can't resist Snoopy and his antics!) So, I must go to get the popcorn and thread ready -- some traditons MUST be carried on! At 8pm A Charlie Brown's Christmas is on TV tonight my family and I won't miss it!!  Posted Dec 08 2008, 05:40 PM by Coach Jamie with 1 comment(s) Filed under: values and beliefs, intentional, intentional parenting, joyful, economy, recession, positive parenting, traditions, family memories, traditions values