Does this mean I have become my mother?

February 2009 - Posts

• Vacation??

  Although winter is not nearly over our family began the conversation about summer vacation. Where should we go? Should we visit the beach? Or would it be more fun to take a long drive out west? As our conversation continued, I began to think about how fast time is passing. Soon our twelve year old will be wanting to spend time with his friends and activities more than us!  And our daughter who has her own life only joins us sometimes. I know these thoughts aren't as if I have conquered rocket science-- I think about these thoughts frequently, like many parents-- but this was in a different context- vacation.  I ran the intentional parenting philosophy through my brain at the same moment--ooh that's scary. And I thought, What do I want  my children to remember about me as a parent?  What do I want to leave as an emotional legacy to my kids as they journey into their own lives? Well, vacations are some of our best/worst family memories. Somehow the time we spend in the car together, traveling, seems to bring out the best, and the worst, in all of us. So as I brought all of these wild thoughts together, I had a revelation!  I want to use the time we vacation together, purposefully, this year.  With this idea in mind I decided to speak up in our, "Where are we going on vacation this year?" conversation. "What if we travel to a place where people need our help and make service a part of our trip?" I said. Atypically, there was quiet in the car, (well, Rhianna was singing in the background). My son said, "I'm in."  My daughter chimed in. "Me too."  "I like it," my husband added. Then the conversation turned --"We could go to India?" "What about right here in the U.S.?" "I have a friend who did that in South America." What a great way to spend time with my family, teaching my children the things that I value and beleive. In this time of economic crisis it is empowering to connect with our own family, but also to realize we are part of a bigger whole. By helping others we are helping ourselves. Well, we are still working on where and when but we have a mission and a purpose. And-- it looks like we are in it together--which is what I INTENDED. Have any of you gone on a service "vacation"? We are looking for ideas. If you have any ideas please comment!!! Posted Feb 27 2009, 10:07 AM by Coach Jamie with no comments Filed under: summer, intentional parenting, economy, positive parenting, family memories, traditions values, parenting role, siblings, connecting, family traditions, lntentional parenting, Parenting, teaching, children, empowering your child, values, parents, human race, tweens, sharing with your children, childhood, enjoying your children, role model, vacation, service

• Chores

  When I hear the word "chores" I think of my mom telling my brothers and I that we were not allowed out to play until our chores were finished. We would laugh-- not to her face-- the word "chores" sounded like something Granny from the Beverly Hillbillies would say. Allowance? Never even heard of it until I was old enough to hangout with some kids that lived in a different neighborhood. We were told to do our chores because that was what you did-- no questions asked. Recently, I read a blog on the Wall Street Journal talking about the Obamas paying their daughters $1.00 a week for doing their "chores. " That word again! It still means the same thing, too. After reading this blog and the Obamas, I began to evaluate my personal philosophy on chores and allowance. In our family we value  "chores " as work that is completed because you are a member of the family. Everyone has chores in our family. Pay is not given based on if you do your jobs or not. You do your jobs because you are part of the family. If you don't complete your work then there are consequences. Allowance is given to teach financial responsibility. In our house each member of the family is given their own money. By having your own money you are able to make decisions and use it for certain items and activities (depending on your age.) Now if only we could be consistent and spend wisely!!!!! How does your family deal with issues of responsibilities, chores, allowance??? What do you think about the Obamas allowance to their children?? Posted Feb 19 2009, 03:26 PM by Coach Jamie with 1 comment(s) Filed under: values and beliefs, economy, recession, traditions values, lntentional parenting, Parenting, teaching, responsibility, values, kids, chores family values obama children allowance financial responsibility

• Is there still such a thing as recess??

  Sue Shellenbarger recently wrote a blog for the Wall Street Journal Is Your Child's Day All Work and No Play?  In the blog she talks about the fact that many schools have decided to give up recess and play time in order to fill the school day with structured academic study. As a mental health professional that works with children in a school setting, I have seen the changes over the years. Instruction time in schools is valuable. With all of the testing and curriculum requirements teachers are hard pressed to get all accomplished that is needed to meet the minimum standards for most districts.  I also see the reduction of arts, music, and free play time. Have we taken our children's childhood away? Unstructured playtime is necessary for children to develop. Play is the way that children learn all sorts of important lessons. It allows children to use creative thinking skills, interact and develop social skills, not to mention all of the other benefits to being able to run and jump and experience the outdoors. Over scheduling our children can cause anxiety and stress. Have we taken the joy out of childhood? What is your opinion? Do you think schools should spend more time on academics or should there be time for free play? Posted Feb 10 2009, 06:01 PM by Coach Jamie with 2 comment(s) Filed under: overscheduling, childhood, schools, academics. parenting, anxiety, free time, recess, stress

• Check it out!

  Recently, I wrote a blog entitled, People Who Inspire Us, about a friend of mine who is paralyzed from the waist down and skis. An Indianapolis television station filmed a story about Chris and others who participate in the adaptive ski program at Perfect North Slopes. Check out this video it is INSPIRING !! Posted Feb 07 2009, 02:11 PM by Coach Jamie with 1 comment(s) Filed under: skiiing, inspiring, Perfect North Slopes, disabilities, attitude, adaptive ski program, skiing

• What is a hero anyway?

  Recently, the news media has been focusing on Olympic swimming champion Michael Phelps and his "fall" from the pedestal that Americans have put him on for his sports accomplishments. People are asking, "How will this impact the kids who have looked at him as a role model?"  Sue Shellenbarger wrote a blog entitled, When Kids Heroes Fall, (The Juggle, Wall Street Journal Parenting blog.) She poses the question, "What do you do when your kids' beloved idols' become fallen heroes?" After some thought, I realized that I wanted to answer that question with so many different responses. Should we shield our kids from these discoveries? I say , "No way-- bring it on!" There are so many facets of this story that can be used as learning opportunities for parents and kids. First of all, this is an excellent example to talk with our kids about the fact that we are not just our accomplishments, but rather the culmination of our successes and failures. Every person has unique gifts and talents and each one is important. Not to minimize the effort and determination it takes to become an Olympic athlete-- I am impressed with those who dedicate themselves to that endeavor. But we can't all become Olympic athletes, no matter how hard we try some of us were not given the gifts necessary to achieve that goal. It is important for our kids to know that other gifts and talents are equally valued.Sometimes our society hypes up the value of certain professions and accomplishments to a level that, in my opinion, is too high. Secondly,we are all human, not one of us should be raised to the level where we are seen as incapable of error. Humans are not perfect, we will make mistakes. What matters? How we handle failures and mistakes, how we handle success. This defines character. I think that it is important to talk with our kids about the mistakes that their "heroes" make. Discuss what is being said, listen to their thoughts and opinions, as well as voicing our own opinions. Talk with your kids about the people that you think are good role models,  the qualities and characteristics that make them someone to emulate. Maybe there is no one person that is a "hero."  Maybe a hero is a collection of characteristics that we all strive to possess. For Michael Phelps, may he use this experience to learn and grow and become a better person. Hopefully, he will bounce back from his "fall." Posted Feb 03 2009, 03:14 PM by Coach Jamie with 1 comment(s) Filed under: parents, discussing values, Olympics, mistakes, heroes, Michael Phelps, kids