Does this mean I have become my mother?

!Hola!

Sitting in an internet cafe in Barcelona, Spain I have decided to jot a quick blog. I am so amazed at the way we can connect with each other so easily across the world. I have found that even if I meet someone that speaks a different language I can eventually find a way to communicate -- if we work together to find common symbols, gestures or sounds that we both can understand. This is true in parenting as well. At different times we speak a different language than our children. But if we continue to work together to find common ground we can do it!

What unique ways have you found to communicate with your kids? I would love to hear.  Gracias!

Did any of you watch Oprah Tuesday 3/31?

The show was awesome. For those of you that missed it, I will give you a short recap. The topic of the show was Parkinson's disease and Dystonia. Michael J Fox and Rogers Hartman were guests. For me these are topics that are very close to my heart. I'll start with a little personal information that I am, at times, reluctant to give.

For the past 12 years my husband and I host a party to benefit Parkinson's disease. We call it Shake Rattle and Roll. We have a live band in our front yard. (It is really fun.) We raise money and awareness for the disease throughout the evening. An old friend of my dad, Jerry Wueste, was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease over 30 years ago. He and his wife started a local organization called PDSNOKI: Parkinson's Disease Support Network Ohio Kentucky and Indiana. Their organization provides support, scooters, activities etc. for area people with Parkinson's disease. Also they raise funds for research and have donated thousands of dollars to University of Cincinnati Medical Center for Parkinson's research. We give Jerry time to talk about the disease at our party and we donate all of the proceeds to his organization.

Now for the irony; about 3 years ago I was having difficulty with my eyes. After many inaccurate treatments and diagnoses. I was finally diagnosed with dystonia.  If you saw the show you will know what I am talking about- Rogers has a dystonia. ( I have a focal dystonia, limited to my eyes. I respond well to botox injections --even though they are NO fun  and I manage to continue my ordinary daily activities.) Well, I now am in the care of the same doctor as Jerry for his Parkinson's ( who is awesome- Dr. Espay at UC med center)

So you say how does this relate to parenting??  Well, on the Oprah show, Michael J Fox talked about his role as a father. He says that his disease has actually helped him to become a better parent.He is very aware of his time with his children and makes sure that he makes choices about his time that he wouldn't have before.  He has a new book Always Looking Up: Adventures of an Incurable Optimist. All  parents could use a bit of inspiration such as this.

Both Fox and Hartman talked about the inaccurate perceptions of onlookers when they see people with this disease. I know I struggle with this. I am very self conscious and careful who I tell about my condition ( well I guess I am letting the cat out of the bag here) because I fear the stigma and the perception that I will not be able to do things as well as others --including parenting. Not true!! 

I wonder how many parents out there are dealing with these issues. How do you talk with your kids about being a parent with an illness or disability. What do you think are your strengths as a parent? I would love to hear your stories!!

Does anyone else out there love rainy days? I am a huge fan of rainy days. Living in a city where our climate includes all four seasons, I am fortunate to experience each season for approximately 3 months and then move on to a new season and new climate conditions.  Fits my personality too, I love variety and spontaneity.

This time of year brings a lot of rainy days where I live. Splashing in puddles, wiggling worms, and making indoor camps are just a few of the activities that I associate with rainy days.

Waiting for the sun to come out, looking for rainbows and seeing the first blossoms popping out of the ground, I am glad that spring has arrived!

Tell me your stories about spring time. Do you have any special memories of your own or ideas of things to do with your kids on a rainy day? I would love to hear them!!

Recently, I was asked to be the guest blogger for The Washington Post. My blog post was titled, Why my tween does not have a cell phone. and WOW-- did I get a reaction!

The comments ranged from:

In today's society of the "I want it now" parents are taking the value out of every stage of childhood.  There is something to be said about letting kids be kids. I think it is important for kids to play in the neighborhood instead of having everyone minute planned. At the age of 12 our kids should be playing kick the can, ghost in the graveyard, backyard baseball!! I know you don't need a cell phone for that!

and

What do you think?

I would love to hear your comments and thoughts on this topic!!

"I did not raise you to act that way," was one of my mother's favorite lines. Sometimes when we were kids, my brothers would do something disgusting just to get her to say that very sentence. My mother was raised as an only child. Her parents were older and demanded mannerly behavior. She was in for a big surprise when she became the mother of 3 kids who were a bit spirited. Manners were something that she had to teach us.

Sue Shellenbarger wrote a blog today about teaching your kids manners. She even quotes from a physician who blogs," Making Room for Miss Manners is a Parenting Basic." Yeah!! I am a huge fan of teaching kids manners. Not that I have much luck with my own kids. I am constantly going behind someone and flushing the toilet or asking someone to use a napkin-- but I try!!

Apparently, according to Shellenbarger,  teaching kids manners is back in style!!  I think my 25 year old is starting to realize the value of manners -- finally. As a recruiter for a local company she meets with professors and others who may help her to find new hires. Hopefully she uses her napkin and the right fork at lunch.

My personal pet peeve is when my son does not respond or does not look an adult in the eye when he is spoken to. Drives me nuts --- I really don't think he is deliberately trying to be rude --but he sure looks rude! I don't want to raise Eddie Haskell, (you know the insincere suck-up from the Leave it to Beaver Show), but I don't want a kid who doesn't feel obligated to make the effort to be mannerly and respectful.

Mostly, I think much of what kids learn about how to treat others is learned from the way we, as parents, act. We are their role models. But I think kids also need parents to talk with them about appropriate ways to act and give them scripts.

How do you feel about teaching kids manners? Tell me your stories.

For those of you that are from Irish descent--like me, (50% of my heritage is Irish), you already know what March 17 means-- lots of green! For those of you that do not have Irish blood, let me welcome you to our family; because on St. Paddy's day EVERYONE is allowed to be Irish!  St. Paddy's Day  is the feast day of St. Patrick, one of the patron saints of Ireland.

Although, originally, St. Patrick's day was a religious celebration; it has since become a way for Ireland to let the world know about the Irish people and their culture.   For those of us who love a party-- thank you Ireland!

As a parent, I want to expose my kids to all kinds of cultures, especially the culture that our relatives came from. I love to relay stories. My dad tells my kids stories about his grandfather, James Patrick McKeown. As he tells the stories his voice usually changes into some kind of Irish brogue. The story usually has something to do with a shillelagh and a bucket of beer. I am sure it is about 50% true, but the kids love it!  And most of all, they see how proud my dad is of his heritage. It helps them to feel proud of who they are too. Not better or worse than anyone else, just proud to be a part of something. 

Some things are universal, in all countries, as the world becomes smaller. Yes, you can go to Ireland and eat at a McDonalds, (we did a few years ago--  I will write about another time.)  Still, many cultures are trying very hard to keep their unique identities.

As the world becomes more connected through internet and other forms of communication, I think it is even more important for us to celebrate our differences and our unique cultures.

Have you taught your kids about your heritage? What makes you proud? Tell me your stories, I would love to hear them

In keeping with the theme of inexpensive family fun, I began to reminisce about the things my daughter, (now 25 years old), used to play when she was young.

One of the things I found fascinating about my daughter's "play-strategy," (I created that term to describe the way she typically did things when she played), was the way she used things for purposes other than for what they were really intended. The stuffed animals became students in her class and she was the teacher, the lidded sandbox became a restaurant table and she was the waitress, the air hockey table became an operating room and of course she was the surgeon. I don't think that the air hockey table ever got used to play air hockey. It was a hand-me-down gift that was immediately covered with a sheet. Stuffed animals, dolls, and small human cousins received surgery and other treatments from the renowned Dr. Lindsay on that table. 

We used to call Lindsay the "bag-lady." She would walk around bagging things up --literally she would get a bag or a purse and just put all kinds of random things inside. Then she would take those things and play with them using each item as a part of whatever the imaginary setting was to be for the day --office, school--hair salon. It was amazing the things she would come up with. Not to say she didn't have plenty of real toys --but she really didn't need many of them for what she liked to "play."

Many of you may have seen your children do this as well. How many of you remember playing this way yourself, as a child? I can remember spending hours creating mud-meatballs and stick spaghetti. What are your stories?? I'd love to hear them!

So.....I have decided to write a series of posts on this topic. I would love to hear your stories and ideas about cheap or free ways to have family fun!!

My son chimed in and stated, proudly, that he had a mattress and a human habitrail, (a habitrail is one of those tunnel systems that gerbils run through.) He and his friend had made the habitrail out of boxes, in his basement-- (the mattress had been moved to the basement following his sister's move to college, apparently it was now being used for some kind of entertainment.) When Eric, my son, told his friends what he had in the basement they looked puzzled, at first.  Eric then began to explain how he and the neighborhood boys played with the tunnels and mattress.

"Cool," was the reply. "Can we play with it today?"

Who would have thought a few cardboard boxes and a mattress could provide sooo much entertainment.

Stay tuned for more stories and tips on creative family fun.........

I recently read an article that was, in part, titled, "from attitude to gratitude." The article was written about our economic crisis and how some are handling their financial situation. The article was written for an audience of financial advisors and investors. Not too long ago, I was interviewed for an online magazine called Inspired Mother -Turning Hardship into Hope. This article was written for an audience of parents. The reporter wanted to know my opinion on how to talk with your kids about the economic crisis. My first thought was gratitude. Funny that these two articles were written to different audiences, but on the same topic-- finances and both authors came to the same conclusion-- being grateful for what we already have can help us through hard times.

Although the idea of gratitude typically comes up around the autumn and winter holidays, lately, gratitude has been on my mind often. I have a close friend who was diagnosed with cancer in December. She has braved a course of treatment that is coming to the end--if all goes as planned. This treatment has left her unable to enjoy many of the things that we all take for granite. Polly is a great cook and enjoys all kinds of good food but the treatment has left her unable to eat --one of our favorite things to do together!! Rather than go on about the other painful things that are occuring to her body due to this treatment, and the disease itself, I prefer to focus on the lesson she has taught me. Be thankful for the little things in life. Teach your children to be grateful, too. Grieve your losses, yes, but celebrate the things you have. Many times the things that you value the most are not recognized enough.

In this time of stress over lost jobs and finances, I know things are not easy. Still, there are so many things to be grateful for in each of our lives. What are you grateful for??

Although winter is not nearly over our family began the conversation about summer vacation. Where should we go? Should we visit the beach? Or would it be more fun to take a long drive out west?

As our conversation continued, I began to think about how fast time is passing. Soon our twelve year old will be wanting to spend time with his friends and activities more than us!  And our daughter who has her own life only joins us sometimes. I know these thoughts aren't as if I have conquered rocket science-- I think about these thoughts frequently, like many parents-- but this was in a different context- vacation.  I ran the intentional parenting philosophy through my brain at the same moment--ooh that's scary. And I thought, What do I want  my children to remember about me as a parent?  What do I want to leave as an emotional legacy to my kids as they journey into their own lives?

Well, vacations are some of our best/worst family memories. Somehow the time we spend in the car together, traveling, seems to bring out the best, and the worst, in all of us. So as I brought all of these wild thoughts together, I had a revelation!  I want to use the time we vacation together, purposefully, this year.  With this idea in mind I decided to speak up in our, "Where are we going on vacation this year?" conversation.

"What if we travel to a place where people need our help and make service a part of our trip?" I said. Atypically, there was quiet in the car, (well, Rhianna was singing in the background). My son said, "I'm in."  My daughter chimed in. "Me too."  "I like it," my husband added.

Then the conversation turned --"We could go to India?" "What about right here in the U.S.?" "I have a friend who did that in South America."

What a great way to spend time with my family, teaching my children the things that I value and beleive. In this time of economic crisis it is empowering to connect with our own family, but also to realize we are part of a bigger whole. By helping others we are helping ourselves.

Well, we are still working on where and when but we have a mission and a purpose. And-- it looks like we are in it together--which is what I INTENDED.

Have any of you gone on a service "vacation"? We are looking for ideas. If you have any ideas please comment!!!

When I hear the word "chores" I think of my mom telling my brothers and I that we were not allowed out to play until our chores were finished. We would laugh-- not to her face-- the word "chores" sounded like something Granny from the Beverly Hillbillies would say.

Allowance? Never even heard of it until I was old enough to hangout with some kids that lived in a different neighborhood. We were told to do our chores because that was what you did-- no questions asked.

Recently, I read a blog on the Wall Street Journal talking about the Obamas paying their daughters $1.00 a week for doing their "chores. "

That word again! It still means the same thing, too.

After reading this blog and the Obamas, I began to evaluate my personal philosophy on chores and allowance. In our family we value  "chores " as work that is completed because you are a member of the family. Everyone has chores in our family. Pay is not given based on if you do your jobs or not. You do your jobs because you are part of the family. If you don't complete your work then there are consequences. Allowance is given to teach financial responsibility. In our house each member of the family is given their own money. By having your own money you are able to make decisions and use it for certain items and activities (depending on your age.)

Now if only we could be consistent and spend wisely!!!!!

How does your family deal with issues of responsibilities, chores, allowance??? What do you think about the Obamas allowance to their children??

Sue Shellenbarger recently wrote a blog for the Wall Street Journal Is Your Child's Day All Work and No Play? 

In the blog she talks about the fact that many schools have decided to give up recess and play time in order to fill the school day with structured academic study. As a mental health professional that works with children in a school setting, I have seen the changes over the years. Instruction time in schools is valuable. With all of the testing and curriculum requirements teachers are hard pressed to get all accomplished that is needed to meet the minimum standards for most districts.  I also see the reduction of arts, music, and free play time. Have we taken our children's childhood away?

Unstructured playtime is necessary for children to develop. Play is the way that children learn all sorts of important lessons. It allows children to use creative thinking skills, interact and develop social skills, not to mention all of the other benefits to being able to run and jump and experience the outdoors. Over scheduling our children can cause anxiety and stress. Have we taken the joy out of childhood? What is your opinion?

Do you think schools should spend more time on academics or should there be time for free play?

Recently, I wrote a blog entitled, People Who Inspire Us, about a friend of mine who is paralyzed from the waist down and skis. An Indianapolis television station filmed a story about Chris and others who participate in the adaptive ski program at Perfect North Slopes. Check out this video it is INSPIRING !!

Recently, the news media has been focusing on Olympic swimming champion Michael Phelps and his "fall" from the pedestal that Americans have put him on for his sports accomplishments. People are asking, "How will this impact the kids who have looked at him as a role model?"  Sue Shellenbarger wrote a blog entitled, When Kids Heroes Fall, (The Juggle, Wall Street Journal Parenting blog.) She poses the question, "What do you do when your kids' beloved idols' become fallen heroes?" After some thought, I realized that I wanted to answer that question with so many different responses. Should we shield our kids from these discoveries? I say , "No way-- bring it on!" There are so many facets of this story that can be used as learning opportunities for parents and kids.

First of all, this is an excellent example to talk with our kids about the fact that we are not just our accomplishments, but rather the culmination of our successes and failures. Every person has unique gifts and talents and each one is important. Not to minimize the effort and determination it takes to become an Olympic athlete-- I am impressed with those who dedicate themselves to that endeavor. But we can't all become Olympic athletes, no matter how hard we try some of us were not given the gifts necessary to achieve that goal. It is important for our kids to know that other gifts and talents are equally valued.Sometimes our society hypes up the value of certain professions and accomplishments to a level that, in my opinion, is too high.

Secondly,we are all human, not one of us should be raised to the level where we are seen as incapable of error. Humans are not perfect, we will make mistakes. What matters? How we handle failures and mistakes, how we handle success. This defines character. I think that it is important to talk with our kids about the mistakes that their "heroes" make. Discuss what is being said, listen to their thoughts and opinions, as well as voicing our own opinions. Talk with your kids about the people that you think are good role models,  the qualities and characteristics that make them someone to emulate.

Maybe there is no one person that is a "hero."  Maybe a hero is a collection of characteristics that we all strive to possess. For Michael Phelps, may he use this experience to learn and grow and become a better person. Hopefully, he will bounce back from his "fall."

Recently an article ran in the Cincinnati Enquirer about the adaptive ski program at Perfect North Slopes. A friend of mine, Chris Bochenek, was pictured in the story with a photo of him skiing.

 I often witness his courageous acts, so to me this article was no surprise. After the article was printed, people were commenting about how amazing it was to see a man who has no use of his legs ski. I thought to myself," Why is that so surprising, I have seen him put his 2 kids into a van, by himself, and drive away -- nothing he would do would surprise me!"

And then I realized how lucky I am, and my kids, to have this inspiration in our lives. Not only does Chris take on all kinds of challenges and succeed at them but he does it with the most positive attitude I have ever witnessed. I am so thankful that our son has been able to learn from this example. Chris has a son in the same class as my son. They participate in sports and social activities together, as well as school. Chris never misses a chance to be involved -- he and his wife both work full-time, (he is a hand therapist), and attend events and activities that we all attend for our kids. They host parties and go on trips with other families that have kids at the same school. Sometimes I forget how much more effort it takes for him to participate than it does for those of us who have 2 legs that work. 

As a parent he is an inspiration as well, he likes being a parent. He teaches optimism, there is no greater gift you can give. In comparison to some of the other parents of kids at my son's school, Chris is the least handicapped because he is not handicapped by a negative attitude. My family and I are fortunate to have this inspiration in our lives!

Do you have anyone that inspires you or your family? Please comment and tell me your stories!