Yesterday, at boy scout camp, the scouts were all asked to make little styrofoam boats with a paper sail attached via a popsicle stick. Some of the older boys knew how to make their boats more aerodynamic (or what’s the equivalent in the water?) by making the fronts of their boats more pointy.
Then, they raced their boats two at a time through rain gutters filled with water by blowing on the little boats. The boys that won would go to one side of the gutters, and the ones that lost would move to the other side. For the most part, the boys were okay with it, but for some, it was more challenging to deal with it when their boats lost. The boy that won for the entire den went on to compete later with the winners from other dens.
Throughout the process, I observed and witnessed some beautiful examples of good sportsmanship as well as some nice teaching opportunities for the boys. I’ll share a few:
1. During the race among the members of the same den, one boy lost and he was upset. He reacted by telling his opponent, “You cheated!” I observed the two boys for awhile. The boy that was accused of cheating came and told me so, and then went on to participate in another activity. After awhile, the boy who made the accusation was sitting alone looking very sad. I saw it as an opportunity to help this very nice little boy who was just having trouble expressing his disappointment.
I came up and sat next to him, and agreed with him that it feels disappointing to lose. We talked about other ways he could work through his feelings. We talked about what would have happened if it were the other way around, and if someone would have told him he cheated if he won. He really seemed to get it. He perked up and was back to his wonderful, boisterous self quite quickly. It was my honor to be there at the right time to help this sweet little boy.
2. I witnessed a dad support another boy who was feeling frustrated. This little boy was in the finals. He was having some boat trouble during the race. I could see his frustration even before the race was over. By the end he was visibly upset. He was barely away from the gutters before a dad put his arm around his shoulder and told him, “It’s okay.”
3. The boy that won from our den competed in the finals and lost. He was barely away from the gutters when he became surrounded by about five or six boys who were telling him what a great job he did! As far as I know, they were not prompted by any adults. I get a little emotional as I write about it- it was really wonderful to see!
Another mom and I were chatting after the races, and she commented about how emotional the boat races were for the boys. She went on to reflect that she thought her boys would have a hard time with it too. When I responded that it was a great teaching opportunity, she quickly agreed. I think we as parents often know that on some level, but it is still hard to see the boys feel hurt.
When the kids can feel this hurt and yet still be supported as they were in the above scenarios, the foundation is laid for a resilient person. Kids have 18 years (maybe longer for some) to learn how to deal with disappointment with adult support before they move on to do it on their own. Capitalize on the teaching moments.
