Diapers to Dating

October 2008 - Posts

• Bucket Filling

  In our community, school professionals are teaching children about being a bucket-filler. A bucket-filler fills someone else’s bucket by being kind, doing things for that person, or even with a smile. A bucket-dipper basically does the opposite. For more on bucket-filling: http://www.bucketfillers101.com/ We really do influence others positively or negatively by our actions- children and adults alike. It can sometimes take a conscious awareness to be a bucket-filler. My kids are really getting it- especially my five year-old. He came home with lots of "I love yous" for me the day it was taught at school, and I let him know that he was filling my bucket. Here is a conversation my boys had not long after learning about bucket-filling:  "Mom, Mr. Ron [the school custodian] is not a stranger. He’s always smiling and he says ‘hi’ to me."  "He works at the school, and we know him."  "He is so nice."  "Mr. Ron is a bucket-filler." As parents, we strengthen our children when we fill their buckets. We fill their buckets by celebrating their accomplishments, letting them know what their strengths are, and by being generous with hugs and smiles. There are many avenues to go with this concept. You can be creative with it. You can put buckets out and fill them by writing down nice comments and/or actions. A friend of mine actually drew buckets with a washable marker on her refrigerator. The nice thing about the bucket-filling concept is that in reality, we all need bucket-filling. Bucket-filling keeps us going. When the bucket is empty, it’s harder to deal with the challenges that come our way. When we fill other peoples’ buckets, they tend to fill our buckets too (but it is best to bucket fill without expectations). This is an important concept to think about when it comes to marriage. Marriage and raising a family is hard work. Both spouses work to support the home and the children. It is not unusual for spouses to forget to fill each others’ buckets in the process (sometimes we dip the bucket). It can take a conscious effort to fill a spouse’s bucket, and a worthwhile effort it is. Please share your stories about bucket-filling here.       Posted Oct 31 2008, 08:18 AM by Coach Nancy with 1 comment(s) Filed under: Parenting, Self-Esteem, Relationships, Strengthening Your Marriage, Emotional Intelligence, Sibling Rivalry

• What Makes People Emerge Resilient?

  Newsweek's Anna Quindlen recently wrote a column in which she wondered how, given Barack Obama's nontraditional childhood and some of the hurdles he faced, he emerged strong and steadfast http://www.newsweek.com/id/164491/page/1.   The article prompts some thought to this question: What makes people emerge resilient?   Regardless of where you stand politically, as a parent, you might also wonder why some kids overcome all kinds of obstacles, while others seem to sink deeper and deeper. The key to thriving is resilience...It’s not a matter of luck or chance that some children seem to radiate a quiet confidence in themselves and believe that a difficult situation will get better. Kids develop their beliefs about themselves and the world largely from their interactions with their caregivers.   In addition, kids have a natural capacity for resiliency when faced with adverse situations. I witnessed this first-hand when I worked with children facing the childhood cancer journey. Often, the kids seemed stronger than the adults! When children are allowed to feel their feelings, whether it be painful feelings or more positive feelings such as excitement, in a safe, supportive environment, they are on the road to resilience. Resilience is the ability to bounce back from stressful situations and to gain strength from these experiences- http://www.myparentingsource.com/learning/topics/raising_resilient_kids.aspx. Furthermore, when caregivers provide unconditional love and support with optimism, while providing resources to handle the situation, they foster resilience. Many factors determine how a person will handle situations as an adult. These include resilience, temperament, and family dynamics.  Childhood influences shape how a person views the world and how he/she acts and reacts. It is nice to know that as adults, we all have the ability to positively influence and teach the children in our lives. How have your helped your child become resilient? What in your own childhood has helped you become resilient as an adult?  We foster resilience when we reflect upon what has worked and what has not worked- gaining strength from the knowledge we have acquired, and using it moving forward.    Posted Oct 24 2008, 01:54 PM by Coach Nancy with no comments Filed under: Intentional Strength-Based Parenting, Raising Resilient Kids

• Nobody's Perfect

  Sorry to those of you that can’t get the Miley Cyrus song out of your mind J. It is a good song, though.     Perhaps you perfectionists will be relieved to know that there is no such thing as a “perfect parent”. It’s impossible. It’s impossible to even come close. Too many factors come into play.  Here are a few of many:   Kids keep changing developmentally.  Every new stage provides a new learning experience. It doesn’t make a difference if you’ve been through it with an older child, because each child’s experience is different. We all have moods and temperaments. It’s part of being human. Our temperaments can clash and our moods can clash, and sometimes, we just have to get through a situation the best we can with what we know. Life is always throwing new twists and turns our way. These include health issues, weather, economy… The list goes on and on.   How in the world could we be perfect in an ever-changing environment? We can only strive to do our best with what we have and what we know, and to be open to learning when things don’t go as planned.   An ever-changing environment creates the need to anchor ourselves as parents. One way we can do this is to root ourselves in our core values and to root our teachings to our children in these core values. The day to day twists and turns provide multiple opportunities to teach our children what is most important. Often, the most powerful teachings lie in moments that fall way short of perfect.   Next time you find yourself in one of those less than perfect moments, ask yourself, “What teaching opportunity is available here?” I’ll bet you can find one. Perhaps it is teaching anger management, or perhaps it is an opportunity to teach a core value. In tough economic times, the teaching opportunity could be how to make choices with money.    You’ll be amazed at what you find when you shift the focus from “would’ves and should’ves” to “What can I teach and what can I learn?”        Posted Oct 22 2008, 09:45 AM by Coach Nancy with 1 comment(s) Filed under: Self-Esteem, Relationships, Discipline, Intentional Strength-Based Parenting, Raising Resilient Kids, Temperaments, Teaching Values, Anxiety and Stress, economic crisis, perfectionism

• What Inspires you?

  Do you encounter parents that inspire you as you go day to day? I know I sure do! Observing your reactions to these inspirations can tell you a lot about your values and what you want to pass onto your children.   I am inspired by people who are out there living according to their values.  Often, they don’t even realize what a difference they are making- one person at a time. They act as they do because they genuinely care. They are leading by example.   Here are a couple of examples that inspire me:    1. A friend of mine has a child who was born with a heart condition. The local children’s hospital has provided excellent care for her child, and support for her family. Every summer, her kids have a lemonade stand for which the proceeds go to Children’s Hospital. In addition, she holds an annual large-scale fundraiser, and commits hours of her time throughout the year to support the hospital to make life easier for many children and families.   2. My daughter and I were at the grocery store a month or two ago. The man behind us had canvas bags and handed them to the cashier to bag his groceries. He seemed to feel a bit shy and embarrassed by it. I acknowledged it, “That is a really good idea.”  He responded, “My wife and I watched a documentary about where the plastic bags go, and about animals eating them, and this is why we do this.”  Since then, I have noticed more people at the grocery store bringing their own bags in, and I am doing it myself.   Make a difference, follow your passion, a step at a time: It’s a reminder of the big picture, gives a sense of purpose, and helps others along the way.  When you focus on strengths and your passion, you are less likely to get hung up on other forces that may pull you in a direction that you don’t want to go. Model it for your children, and the same applies for them.    What inspires you? Sign in, share your passion, and inspire us all. Posted Oct 16 2008, 03:14 AM by Coach Nancy with 2 comment(s) Filed under: Intentional Strength-Based Parenting, Teaching Values, Inspiration

• Using Books to Bond as Little Ones Face Longer Days Away

  Preschool, kindergarten, and first grade are big transitions for little ones. Whether your child has been in daycare or at home, it is challenging for many children to adapt to the school environment.   Little ones adapt to a new routine, get used to new people, and spend more time away from primary caregivers. They need support and need to know that they are loved.   As my youngest is a month into Kindergarten, I have found books to be helpful to remind him how much I love him and to help him feel supported. I call a group of books that we own “love books”. When I say to my kindergartner, “Let’s read some love books tonight before bed”, he never turns me down.  Books are a wonderful resource that we have as parents to connect with our children.   Here are some of our favorites:   Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney- Great for any child.   I’ll Love You Forever by Robert Munsch- Very touching, you may shed a tear upon first read. It’s about mom and son’s relationship from birth to adult.   If You Were My Bunny by Kate McMullan- A sweet bedtime book that can be read to any child.   The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn- This is a wonderful book. It is introduced to kids in many schools in Kindergarten. You can give your child “The Kissing Hand” when you kiss his hand. He puts his hand to his face and the kiss travels to his heart to remind him that “Mommy loves you” (could easily be adapted to "Daddy Loves You"). My son walked into school one morning with his hand on his face J.   You’re All My Favorites by Sam McBratney- This book is great for siblings. Mom and dad explain to their three children that all three can be their favorites at the same time- very reassuring.     What are some of your favorite books that remind your children how much they are loved?    Posted Oct 08 2008, 04:46 AM by Coach Nancy with no comments Filed under: Intentional Strength-Based Parenting, Anxiety and Stress, Success in School, Back to School, Chidren's books

• Keeping the Focus on Strengths

  When you focus on your child’s strengths and help him to develop those strengths, you pave the path for your child to make the most of himself and his gifts. It is much easier to do when you focus on your own strengths and the strengths of others as well. However, it is pretty easy to get wrapped up in focusing on weaknesses. It’s the woman looking into the mirror, putting on make-up. She has big gorgeous eyes, but her focus is on covering up the imperfections in her skin. How much of our time do we spend covering up our imperfections as opposed to focusing on our strengths and gifts as parents? The house is a mess. I can’t keep up with the piles of paperwork. I need to take the kids to do something fun. How about this instead? I spent a half hour playing with the kids in the backyard today. I got the school forms filled out today. We went to the library and got some great reading materials yesterday. The power of perception and positive thinking are stronger influences than we may realize. Of course we want to work on areas that are challenging. If having challenges with housekeeping or managing time, it is helpful to make a plan to make positive changes. The energy to make the changes can come out of the power of positive thinking and focusing on strengths and resources. The same concept is true for children. Knowing how to rely on strengths can help a child to make it over the bumps in the road. Back to the analogy of the woman putting on make-up- shift the focus to the eyes with a brief moment to acknowledge and work on the imperfections- which, when minimized, really aren’t that bad, and really not worth putting so much energy into. When we maximize strengths, we bring positive energy to ourselves and those around us. What you focus on will grow. Posted Oct 02 2008, 08:55 AM by Coach Nancy with no comments Filed under: Self-Esteem, Strengthening Your Marriage, Intentional Strength-Based Parenting, Raising Resilient Kids