Diapers to Dating

November 2008 - Posts

• Gratitude

  Thanksgiving comes and goes. This year the importance of gratitude has grabbed me in a different way than any other. My father, who is in his mid-seventies, so eloquently explained to our family, that as he ages, he becomes more and more grateful. He told us he becomes more and more grateful for each day, and not so much big things, like a trip to Europe, but little things. He is grateful for just being able to enjoy the sunshine, or a nice cup of coffee, and he is especially grateful these days for his health. He finds himself less focused on material things. It was really quite beautiful the way he was able to express his thoughts and feelings on the subject. Then I came home and read a wonderful CNN blog on The Importance of Being Thankful. I found it especially interesting to read about the health benefits that gratitude brings. The author also included the following quote from her grandmother: "if you’ve got your health and are surrounded by the people you love, then you are fortunate" --a second piece of wisdom on gratitude from someone who has lived a long life. When I read or hear people make a commitment to gratitude, especially in hard times, I find it inspirational. What a great idea to start the day with an intention to express gratitude! When I go into my children’s bedrooms and see them sleeping, I naturally feel a sense of gratitude for these wonderful beings in my life. Other times, it takes a conscious reminder. Gratitude is contagious. Perhaps the combination of Thanksgiving and being with his grandfather rubbed off on my seven-year-old this past weekend. As I was unloading groceries, and brought in the cans of pineapple chunks from our local warehouse store, he told me, "I’m grateful for this food." The benefits of practicing gratitude extend to our children. Gratitude can help a child’s self-esteem as illustrated by this tip from parenting expert, Dr. Ron Taffel: Teach Gratitude. We can teach children gratitude: Teach Gratitude with Gratitude Practicing gratitude even when times are tough--especially when times are tough-- is a gift in itself to our children. We model for our children an optimistic way to move forward. Posted Nov 30 2008, 08:09 PM by Coach Nancy with 2 comment(s) Filed under: Parenting, Holidays, Self-Esteem, Relationships, Intentional Strength-Based Parenting, Raising Resilient Kids, Teaching Values, economic crisis, Inspiration, gratitude

• What is Vermint? What is a "sacramento"?...the Parenting Revelations Continue...

  I entered my first blog post here a little over a year ago: What is New Hamster? What is a Cheesebooger, and More Parenting Revelations.  A year later, over the weekend, in fact, I was hanging out with my five-year-old, and I asked him what was in his mouth. He proceeded to give me the definition of a "sacramento"- "It’s a mint, mom." If you’re still not with me (and it took me a minute, too), sacra- ‘mentos’-- he added a pre-fix to his Mentos. Still on the mint theme: What is Vermint? Well, like New Hamster, it is an eastern state. A year later, I am reminded again that the funny things our children do and say help us to keep a healthy perspective. I wish you much joy with your children this coming holiday weekend!     Posted Nov 25 2008, 08:45 AM by Coach Nancy with no comments Filed under: Intentional Strength-Based Parenting, stories

• Teaching Values This Holiday Season

  As I mentioned in my last blog entry, it is so easy to get wrapped up (no pun intended) in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season that sometimes we forget our own definitions of the meaning of the season. Families have different traditions, and we all can create new traditions as well. What values would you like to model and teach your children this holiday season (and always)? What traditions would you like to uphold? Are there new ones you would like to create? Given the economic state of our nation right now, if you would like to model to your children the value of caring for others, there are many opportunities. You and your family could have a special impact this year. As it is easy to become overwhelmed by all of the choices, it can be helpful to commit to adding just one new tradition to your family this year if you choose. You may try it and decide that you may want to uphold this new tradition or do something different next year. Either way, it gives a direction, and adds meaning for the family when we intentionally make a plan to teach values. Here are some ideas for modeling the value of caring for others: 1. Listen to your child for a direction. Perhaps your child notices that other children are sick or that others don’t have as much as him. Make this your starting point. Brainstorm ideas: What could we do? Could we make something? Do you want to pick out a special toy to give a child? 2. Explore your own passion. What pulls at your heartstrings? Perhaps you have a passion to help others based on your own experience. You feel compassion for hospitalized children- collect stuffed animals and/or make cards with your children to send their way. You know what it is like to come upon hard times, so you choose to collect canned food for those in need. Create a giving tradition based on your passion. Your kids will notice! 3. Make it a community effort. Involve friends and family. A friend of mine had an idea of going to a nursing home during the holidays and to have the kids sing holiday songs. First she contacted the nursing home to arrange a date and a time. She contacted other families in the neighborhood and had a couple of practice sessions. The members of the nursing home community loved it!  It was a powerful experience for the children too. As a community here, we can learn from each other. What do you do to teach your children your values?       Posted Nov 19 2008, 08:28 AM by Coach Nancy with no comments Filed under: Holidays, Intentional Strength-Based Parenting, Teaching Values, economic crisis

• Here come the Holidays!

  For me, it’s hard to believe that it is already November 17. Here come the holidays! The holidays are symbolic for many families as times to connect with family, to share values, and to help others. However, if we’re not careful, they can just as easily turn into times of disconnect in which values and beliefs get tossed out the window as we curse the line at the toy store. This year is especially difficult for many as the nation has fallen upon tough economic times. Perhaps it is an opportunity to shift the focus from things to time spent together. It can be a time to simplify which can lead to memorable moments. Sometimes we forget how fun it is just to be together as a family, sipping cocoa by the fire, while playing cards. For those that are in a position to give time and help to others, you can make the most of your gifts, and involve your children, when you step back and make a goal and a plan for what you are going to do (stay tuned for ideas in my next blog). It is easier to create memorable moments and make the most of the holidays when you intentionally create a plan to reduce holiday stress. It can reduce stress to have these plans in writing, and for many of us it feels gratifying to check off items on to-do lists. Here are a few ideas for organizing your to-do lists: 1. Create a gift-buying log. After you have determined how much you have available to spend for the holidays this year, a log helps you keep track of who you need to buy for, and helps you to stay within your budget. Don’t forget to add homemade gifts too! Include the following columns in your log: Gift recipient, Gift, Cost, Purchased? Wrapped?   2. Make a recipe list if you are hosting. Make a column in the far left titled "Recipe", write down ingredients you will need in the next column, make another column to check whether or not you can make it ahead. Have a column titled, "Brought by others". Finally, have a "Timing" column. Use this column to jot notes regarding oven space and how to make the timing work out. 3. Create a time-line. This can be as simple as planning forward in your day planner. Example: Monday- make plan, Tuesday- order online gifts, Wednesday- prepare grocery list, Thursday- grocery shop.   It’s not too late to get off to a great start!   Posted Nov 17 2008, 01:36 PM by Coach Nancy with no comments Filed under: Holidays, Relationships, Intentional Strength-Based Parenting, Organize & Simplify, Teaching Values, economic crisis

• The Power of Active Listening and Being Fully Present

  I was teaching a class this week to third graders on active listening. After presenting the concepts to the students, I asked for a volunteer to come up in front of the class so that I could demonstrate active listening to the class. A very sweet boy volunteered, and the two of us sat in chairs with the whole class on the floor watching our demonstration. As the boy began talking, I gave him my complete focus. I maintained eye-contact, nodded, and asked questions, aware that I was modeling active listening skills for the class. As time went on, it felt like this little boy and I were the only two people in the room. I felt connected to this little boy. He felt the connection too. He wanted to keep on talking. I actually had to stop him so that we could move on- amazing with about 40 kids sitting on the floor in the same room! It was a powerful experience! It reminds me to do this as often as possible with my own children. The experience also showed me that if I become aware of my active listening skills, by virtue of practicing them, they can take me into a moment of complete presence. Our children are in our homes for eighteen years (give or take J). These moments of presence and connection are what they will take with them. They solidify the relationship, provide teaching moments, and allow us perhaps the greatest joy of being a parent- a connection with our children.     Posted Nov 12 2008, 12:02 PM by Coach Nancy with 2 comment(s) Filed under: Parenting, Self-Esteem, Relationships, Discipline, Communication, Emotional Intelligence, Intentional Strength-Based Parenting, Raising Resilient Kids, Teaching Values, Empathy, stories, staying connected

• Applying Parenting Advice

  For those of us who went to the For The Love of Kids Parenting Conference, I think it is safe to say that most of us came out feeling charged up, inspired, and perhaps…a bit overwhelmed. There were so many great ideas, tips, and tools! How do I apply these at home? How do I make the most of the knowledge I have gained? Here’s an idea: pick the top three resources that you really want to apply to your family. Pick your favorite, and start an action plan. You can start action plans on the other two whenever you like, but the idea is to start with babysteps which will increase the likelihood of adding a new habit. You can make an action plan here if you would like. Signing in to www.myparentingsource.com is free, and it allows you access to the very useful Parent Compass. Within the compass is a place in which you can add an action plan. For example, here is what I am going to do: Dr. Sears talked about preparing "School-ade" for children- a nutritious smoothie that has the ingredients to help optimize brain function and help children with school performance as well as helping to enhance their overall health: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/4/T040401.asp My goal after going to the conference is to make "School-ade" at least once a week. I am not going to worry about having the exact ingredients in there, because it may take me longer to get it started. I have bananas, fruit juice, blueberries, yogurt, milk and peanut butter, so I’ll start there. I’ll add the other ingredients to my next grocery list. In my action plan, the plan will be to make the kids school-ade every Tuesday. Notice I am starting out with just once a week—babysteps towards making this a habit. This goal is perhaps a little more cut and dry than other goals such as setting an intention to calm down before reacting. This type of goal can also be put into an action plan, and it is helpful to journal regularly to reflect upon progress. As a parent coach, I have seen parents make plans and make positive changes along the way. It is my pleasure to encourage, help tweak, and to brainstorm the creation of these plans with parents. I wish you much success in making happen what you wish for your family!         Posted Nov 10 2008, 11:23 AM by Coach Nancy with no comments Filed under: Parenting, Childhood Obesity, Intentional Strength-Based Parenting, For the Love of Kids Parenting Conference, nutrition

• Blue 'Rs' and Red 'Ds'

  My kids stayed up and watched some of the election coverage last night as it was a historic event. They fell asleep before it was over, but as they watched the states change from yellow to blue or red, my kids had lots of questions and comments. My seven-year-old told me what party affiliation he has. I asked him, "Do you know what the difference is between Republicans and Democrats?" (sounds like the start of a joke J) Viewing the blue ‘Ds’ and red ‘Rs’ next to the candidates on the screen, he replied, "Yes." So I asked, "What are they?" He replied, "One begins with R and one begins with D." I have to admit that by that point, I was a little tired to think about how I would explain to my son the difference in political beliefs between Republicans and Democrats at his level, so I deferred to my husband J…who was in the same mode as me. I told my son I would explain to him when we weren’t distracted by the TV. It is a conversation I do plan to have with my son--probably this evening as it is still fresh. Children really do learn from us and follow our lead. As parents, we can communicate our values to our children. As an adult, I want my son to make his choice based upon knowledge, and when the questions and interest arise, it’s an opportunity to start the process.     Posted Nov 05 2008, 01:11 PM by Coach Nancy with 1 comment(s) Filed under: Communication, Intentional Strength-Based Parenting, Teaching Values, Kids and Politics, stories