The flu was a reminder for me that often in our busy lives, we don’t take time to heal. About a week later, I thought that I should be ready to go. I had a couple of opportunities for free time, and both times, I started to get ready to go exercise, and ended up taking a nap instead. My body was telling my eager mind, "You’re not healed yet."
We are physical, emotional, and spiritual beings—these are not mutually exclusive. Healing from physical ailments, adapting to transitions, and going through the grief process take time. When we experience sickness, a major life change, and/or a loss, we need time to heal. Many times we are so anxious to get back to normal-- in some cases, a new normal-- that we don’t allow ourselves time to heal, time to adjust to the change, and/or time to grieve. We tell ourselves that we should be able to move forward. Perhaps we may even perceive it as a sign of weakness not to move forward.
However, just as in the case of my flu (I’ll be first in line next year for my flu shot), our bodies let us know. We need time to heal from both physical and emotional stress. When we go through transitions (marriage, new baby...), we also need time to process and time to adjust. When we suffer losses (i.e. family member, divorce, job loss), we grieve these losses. Transitions (even happy ones) often have a loss that comes along with them. For marriage, new baby, and divorce, there is a loss of life how it was before the change. For adults, there are stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and then acceptance. However, there is no set time frame, and everyone is different in how they grieve.
For children, grief may be much more erratic- happy one moment, tearful the next. It is important to allow our bodies, adults and children alike, to experience the feelings. This is all part of the healing process. If we don’t, the feelings don’t just go away. They get buried and come out in different ways-- just like if we don’t allow our bodies to recover from physical illness, the illness lingers. It is important to listen to our bodies and to allow them to rest, to feel, and to heal when recovering from an illness, grieving, and/or undergoing a transition.
Give yourself permission to take the time if you need time to heal. Seek the support you need. Give yourself and your children permission to feel if you and/or your child are grieving. Give your children the time and support they need. Do you find yourself rushing to get back to normal too soon?
