Diapers to Dating

March 2009 - Posts

• Lessons from a Five-Year-Old

  I’ve blogged here about mistakes and gratitude. I think my five-year-old is getting it (maybe better than the rest of us at times). Out of the mouth of my babe: Mistakes: We were leaving the house one morning, and for some reason, I turned the opposite direction that I wanted to go (oops!). Thinking out loud, I reflected, "Why did I go this way?" My five-year-old in the back seat replied, "You’re a person, mom, and people make mistakes." Gratitude: We were watching American Idol this past week. Paula gave Simon a box of crayons and a couple of coloring books because he was "acting like a six-year-old". Simon wasn’t too gracious in accepting this gift (I think he rolled his eyes as he often does). My five-year-old said, "I would have liked that."   Do you see evidence that your child is getting the values you teach? Please share your stories.         Posted Mar 30 2009, 06:26 PM by Coach Nancy with no comments Filed under: Teaching Values, gratitude, stories, American Idol, mistakes

• A Spring Story

  Almost every year at this time of year, I remind my son about his entry into the world. We lived in a different home than where we live now. A tree stood right in front of the kitchen window above the sink (a place where we parents—notice I said parents and not just moms—spend a lot of time). A robin built a nest at a bird’s eye view right smack in front of the window. It was a nice distraction to take my mind off supporting the weight of my pregnant belly as I awaited her return. She stopped coming much to our dismay. Perhaps she felt uncomfortable being so close to us humans. Fortunately, the dove that replaced her with a ready-made nest was not so easily deterred. We wondered if she would lay eggs in there since the robin had previously resided in the nest. In the meantime, my belly continued to grow with no signs of baby ready to come…5 days, 10 days, 12 days past the due date…no baby. Finally, it was time, and I went to the hospital on a cool April day to give birth to my son. When we arrived at the hospital, it still felt like winter. Perhaps a few daffodils had shown their stems, but I hadn’t noticed. When we drove home from the hospital with our new baby, the trees had bloomed and the flowers had blossomed. That picture is alive in my mind as though it was yesterday. We arrived home to find mama dove nursing her babies too. It was a Spring that celebrated new life for our family like no other. He waited for the right time J. Each year that my son ages by another year, the memory always comes back, and I see Spring in the light that was brought to me earlier this decade. Kids sure can change our outlooks on the world. Posted Mar 25 2009, 08:04 AM by Coach Nancy with no comments Filed under: gratitude, stories, Spring

• Food for Thought in Today's Economic Times

  As the economy worsens, it seems food prices increase. One way to muddle through is to become savvier when it comes to grocery shopping. Just as with parenting strategies, or perhaps anything that we want to change in our lives, it takes a conscious effort to make and stick to changes. The first step is to find an idea that really resonates with you. I, for one, am a big believer in making a weekly grocery list as opposed to shopping on the fly. It’s a big time and money saver. However, when I read the tip in this article about shopping a minimum of two weeks, I get a little overwhelmed. I don’t enjoy being in the kitchen for long periods of time, and the thought of making and freezing all of the food just doesn’t appeal to me. On the other hand, it would mean less time in the kitchen throughout the week which could be a big bonus. I need to think this one through a little more. For some, the commitment to shopping just once per week may seem a little overwhelming. Do we make the effort to change in order to save time and money? Is it worth it? Is it necessary? After finding an idea that resonates with you, the next step is to find a way to engrain it into your routine. Perhaps the best advice that I received early on is that it takes 28 days to create a habit. In terms of weeks of creating a shopping list- maybe it takes about a month or two. Once it becomes habit, enjoy the rewards and reap the benefits. When we can streamline to save time and money, it feels good. As times are tight, it is empowering to know that we can adapt and make positive changes. In the case of grocery shopping: minimizing waste, saving time and saving money. In the meantime, we create teaching moments for our children. Many baby boomers will reflect upon the positive lessons learned by their parents as they survived the depression. Hard as it is, this time can create an opportunity to teach children financial responsibility through our example. What works for you? Do you clip coupons?  Do any of you shop twice per month or less and pre-make and freeze food? Any other secrets to share?   Posted Mar 22 2009, 10:31 AM by Coach Nancy with 7 comment(s) Filed under: economic crisis, nutrition, financial responsibility, grocery shopping

• Carpe Diem

  Seize the day. Perhaps one of the most frequent bits of advice we hear from parents who have raised their children is: "Enjoy them now, they grow so fast." When my children were 4, 2, and baby, it didn’t feel like they were growing so fast. I felt like I was in a diaper-changing time warp. However, it hit me when I was shopping for a new baby gift. My youngest is 5, and it seems like it was a long time ago that my kids were in baby clothes. When my daughter turned nine, it hit me again—she’s half way to adulthood. We have eighteen years to support and nurture our children as we teach them our values. Then they are adults. With this in mind, it really helps to shift the focus to the big picture. I love this post that Lisa Belkin of the New York Times wrote yesterday on her son’s eighteenth birthday. It inspires us to cherish our time with our kids and offers a lot of great insights. One of her insights: "It is a blink. A moment. Then they move on." Keeping the big picture in mind, here are some useful questions: How is what I am doing today affecting our relationship? Am I taking advantage of this opportunity to teach my child? Am I taking advantage of this opportunity to enjoy my child(ren)? Perhaps most importantly, the big picture serves as a reminder to cherish this time, and to cherish today with these wonderful little people. The weather is finally nice for us—time to place playing football, riding bikes, or having a picnic at the park with our kiddos high on the priority list.   Posted Mar 18 2009, 11:50 AM by Coach Nancy with 1 comment(s) Filed under: Self-Esteem, Relationships, Intentional Strength-Based Parenting, Teaching Values, preserving memories, Playtime, Vision, gratitude, staying connected, Motherlode, New York Times

• Sometimes the Best Time to Connect is When You Don't Feel Like It

  Sometimes the best time to connect is when you don't feel like it. Your child is angry because you are enforcing a limit and your child wants to do something else. It's understandable, when you think about it. It is human nature to want to have some control over one's life. The adults need to call a lot of the shots--necessarily so. This is why we talk about the usefulness of giving choices when we can within the frame of rules and boundaries. When the limits have been set and the kids feel angry, how about making the choice to empathize with those feelings? It can be hard to do when the tension is rising and the anger is directed towards you. It's not giving in, it's just acknowledging the fact that it is hard for them. When we validate our kids' feelings, it helps them to soften and to realize that we're not against them.   I still remember this clearly even though it was a few years ago-- My son was about 2 and 1/2, and he got to the over-tired point. I knew he absolutely needed a nap. I am keenly aware of the benefits of connecting and minimizing power struggles. But, guess what? I found myself in a not-good old-fashioned power struggle with my son. Then, I remembered to practice what I preach, and took a moment to calm down. I stopped, held him, and said, "This is really hard, isn't it?" The kiddo literally just melted in my arms and fell fast asleep. The power of connection: not perfection, but connection, anytime we can stop and strive for it, and make an intention towards it. I share this story and memory because to me it serves as a reminder that in day-to-day life, it takes energy and intention to make the choice to connect, and sometimes it is not easy. It is worth the effort. Do you have any similar stories? Have you ever stopped and hugged your child in the middle of a power struggle?   Posted Mar 15 2009, 07:22 AM by Coach Nancy with 1 comment(s) Filed under: Parenting, Relationships, Discipline, Communication, Emotional Intelligence, Children's Anger and Tantrums, Intentional Strength-Based Parenting, Raising Resilient Kids, ADHD, Empathy, staying connected, stress, persistent child, Spirited Child, high energy

• The Social Networking Jungle

  The whole transition to the Internet, to blogging, to participating in other blogs, social networking... has felt like a heavily wooded forest-- peeling away the branches, contemplating each path to take, trodding slowly down each one. I’ve become more and more comfortable with blogging. I’ve always enjoyed writing, and I love the fact that I can share my insights and inspirations here with the purpose of helping and connecting with parents, and helping parents help kids—my passion. I enjoy reading others’ blogs too. Some are inspiring and uplifting, and some dig deep into the human soul with depth and emotion. Both allow for a reflection upon the similarities of the human condition. Social networking offers endless opportunities when it comes to giving and receiving information and connecting with each other. Anyway, I’m getting ready to move deeper into the jungle—I’m checking out Facebook and Twitter at this point-- standing in the woods cautiously trodding forward. I happened upon these two great videos from "The Today Show". One is about Digital Moms and the other is about Teens on the Internet. I highly recommend checking them out—very informative with good advice. Watching them one after the other helps me to see a deeper purpose in moving forward. When we stay open and join our kids’ worlds, it is easier to connect and empathize without judgement. Where are you in the process? Your kids?     Posted Mar 09 2009, 10:33 AM by Coach Nancy with no comments Filed under: Communication, Inspiration, staying connected, Social Networking, Facebook, Internet Safety, The internet, Twitter, The Today Show

• Cliches Offer Lasting Lessons

  You know the old clichés: A penny saved is a penny earned. As times are tough, we can find comfort in lessons passed to us from the wisdom of others. Some can serve as mantras to help stay the course. They also serve as concise tools to communicate our values to our children. In fact, a few of the sayings listed below came down from my parents and grandparents, and I still remember hearing them as a child. These are some of my favorite sayings. They are timeless in their infinite wisdom: 1. Actions speak louder than words 2. Seek first to understand, then to be understood 3. Roll with the punches (In the case of navigating the ups and downs of life-- not in the literal sense!) 4. Think before you speak 5. A friend in need is a friend indeed 6. Don’t sweat the small stuff 7. What comes around goes around 8. Pick your battles 9. The grass is always greener on the other side 10. Waste not, want not What sayings come to your mind? Did you learn them from your family? Books? Friends? Which do you plan to pass on to your children? Do you have any new ones :)? Posted Mar 08 2009, 07:36 PM by Coach Nancy with no comments Filed under: Communication, Teaching Values, economic crisis, Vision, mantras, cliches, sayings

• Sweet Moments

  In my last blog entry, I wrote about our children’s spirits. I just love kiddos with a lot of personality and creativity. They enrich our lives!  Coach Scott recently shared a wonderful story from a second-grade teacher. You can’t help but get a smile on your face when hearing the sweet, innocent perceptions of children. Here was a recent sweet moment for me:   My 5-year-old and I were in the car, and he said to me: “Mommy, I’m sad.”    I asked, “Why?”   He replied, “In the bible, it says to love God with all of your heart.”   I asked, “Why does that make you sad?”   “Because then there’s not enough room to love you, Mommy.”   These moments are the best J.   I’d love to hear some of your sweet moments with your kids too. These moments really do warm our hearts as we endure a long, cold winter.   Posted Mar 03 2009, 12:17 PM by Coach Nancy with 1 comment(s) Filed under: preserving memories, stories, staying connected, winter, humor, Spirited Child

• Does Your Child Have Spirit??

  I like the term “Spirited” as opposed to “Strong Willed” or “Difficult”.  Yes, they can be strong-willed, and they can be difficult to parent, but what I like about “Spirit” is that it focuses on the child and can be more easily framed towards looking at the positive and focusing on the child’s gifts.   How does your child have spirit? Is he/she Persistent? Active? Energetic? Emotionally Intense? I have a child that possesses all of those traits. Yep, he can be challenging to parent, but along with it, he is bright, hilarious, super fun, and he adds so much joy to our lives. I can honestly say that I wouldn’t want him to be anything different than what he is. I tell him that too.   Can you enjoy your child’s spirit without getting bogged down in the difficulties? It can be hard to do sometimes, believe me I know, but so worth the effort to connect and bring out the best in the kiddo and in your relationship.   Here are some tips to make it happen:   Make it a priority to enjoy your child. Bring out the fun that children with spirit have the gift of bringing to the family. Make it a point to seek out and to participate in the activities that your child enjoys and that bring out his gifts.   Coloring and drawing together is a way I really enjoy my child. We drew a jungle together and he explained the blob with the dots in the middle as a snake that ate a thousand mice.   Connect with your child.  The connection is the fuel that keeps your relationship running strong. Empathize and validate your child’s feelings while providing unconditional love.   Don’t squash their characters.  Don’t try to change your child’s activity level, intensity, or persistence. Work with it. Help your child channel it in a way that helps him function optimally. Keep in mind that it can really serve him in adulthood. After all, don’t you wish you had more energy?   Stick to limits while loving the kid.  Kids with spirit do need limits. They need to learn how to cool down when the emotional intensity is too much to handle. They need to learn how to channel their energy when they are literally bouncing off the walls. Teach them how to do this and provide consistent rules. Remind your child and yourself that you always love your child even though you may really not like the behavior.      Posted Mar 01 2009, 11:04 AM by Coach Nancy with 1 comment(s) Filed under: Parenting, Self-Esteem, Temperaments, Success in School, ADHD, staying connected, persistent child, Active child, Spirited Child, Personalities, high energy