As parents we are managers of our time, we structure our children’s time, and it just never seems like we have enough time. Many of us have wish lists and ideals that have been put on the back burner. Many of us feel guilt along with a flood of negative feelings when we think about what we are not doing.
I am personally not a fan of expectations. Expectations of any kind seem to serve as a trap to keep us stuck. What can be effective is to start by assessing values. Values are principles, qualities, and/or beliefs that one holds as important.
Values serve as a compass for raising children and for setting priorities. One parent I know told me that his father expressed to him his top three values as follows: God, family, work (in that order). These values and priorities were evident as his father lived his daily life. This parent strives to pass along these values to his own children. A grandparent that I know told me in hindsight that work was his top priority when raising his family, and now reflects wishing he would have placed a higher value on family.
Values are individual and can be determined as a guiding force for a family. When you identify what you truly value, the priorities can more easily fall into place. By the way, kids will get your values whether you tell them explicitly or not. You can be intentional when passing along your values to your children.
Here are some additional examples of values:
- Accomplishment: Knowing you’ve done well
- Adventure: Activities involving risk, excitement and unpredictable events
- Community
- Competency: Being capable and effective
- Order: neatness, organized
- Friendship
- Flexible work schedule
- Freedom
- Honesty
- Leisure: Time for enjoyment, pleasure, relaxation
- Peace
- Helping Others
- Responsibility
- Respect
- Recognition: Getting respect/approval from others
Let’s say your top three values are family, friendship, and leisure. Working from these values, you prioritize your time accordingly to make sure you are creating family time, connecting with friends, and saving for vacations. Perhaps some other tasks fall by the wayside, but you are living and modeling your values.
Sometimes we need to prioritize our time to give attention to weak spots that are limiting us from optimal function. For example, you value family time and order/neatness is low on the list. However, you feel so consumed by the clutter in your home that you have trouble to focus on your children. It’s time to make some changes (my story).
Here are some thoughts and tips for prioritizing:
Determine your values. Write down your top three or top five. Post them on the refrigerator.
Set goals and objectives as they pertain to your top values. For example, Helping Others is one of your top values. A goal could be to work on a Habitat for Humanity project as a family. Objectives would be the steps to make it happen.
What can you let go? Are you overscheduled? What things are you doing that really aren’t that important to you/your family? Can you take steps to minimize these time sinks that are getting in the way of what you really want to do?
Picture your children and yourself 25 years from now. What memories are you creating? What memories are important to create? What may you regret if you don’t shift your focus now?
A focus on values as opposed to expectations can help energize and provide a direction. Be intentional. Give some thought to what is truly important to you, to what you stand for, and what you want to pass on to your children, and the priorities will fall into place.
What are your thoughts?
