Kids Thrive on Success
Self esteem derives largely from achieving success at the tasks we take on. The good news: As a parent you can set the stage for your children to experience a sequence of successes every single day.
Your children’s sense of competence depends on how you structure the task and on helping them recognize their own successes. By breaking tasks down into do-able steps, your child can have a series of small successes on the way to completing the job.
Here's how:
- You find your seven-year-old's room knee-deep again in toys, laundry, and school work. What do you do?
Set-up for failure: You shout across the house, “Lucy, your room is a mess again! Get it cleaned up by dinner time.” Lucy whines, balks, and spends the next hour fiddling around in her room, accomplishing very little.
Engineer success: Instead, have a face-to-face conversation with Lucy to let her know what's expected. Then assign clean-up tasks one at a time. “First scout around your room and pick of all the dirty clothes.” Take a moment to be delighted as each small step is completed. Then identify the next step in a business-like, upbeat tone. With
practice, Lucy can begin to anticipate what each logical next step
should be, and ultimately will be able to clean her room independently.
- Your twelve-year-old hands you his planbook to sign. In it, you find that he has a major science project due in two weeks. Your stomach knots as you remember the mad dash to complete his last project -- which he didn't start until the day before it was due.
How should you approach this?
Set-up for failure: You leave your son to his own devices. After all, it is his project and his responsibility. However, after a week he has made no progress.
Engineer success: It's
very important for your son to own the responsibility for his work, but
you can provide the structure he needs to be successful. Before signing the planbook, ask him to create a timeline for completing each step of the project. If necessary, assist him in identifying logical steps. Finish with an understanding that recreational activities are on hold each day until the scheduled steps are completed.
