MyParentingSource Articles

Have you ever wondered when your crying baby will rest peacefully? Tried every game and disciplinary action in the book to get your child to eat peas?

At My Parenting Source, we have expert Parent Coaches on hand to help parents with these and other parenting challenges. Just as a star basketball player needs direction at times, we know parents can sometimes use a little guidance.

Feel free to ask a parent coach a question. You'll get a personalized response. And, its free!

Teach Your Children the Gift of Work

Fortunate is the child who understands early that effort precedes success.

Jerry Sasson, Ed.D., Everyday Blessings, 2001 Cincinnati For the Love of Kids® Parenting Conference.

Is it safe to say that all of us as parents at one point or another have asked our children to apologize? Apologies are transparent when you think about it. The ‘I just want to get out of trouble and get this over with’ apologies are really obvious. With these types of apologies there is li
... (read more)

What's in a "No?"

(There have been no ratings yet.)

Why is it that when you reasonably answer “no” to your child’s request, it sometimes results in hurt feelings that last for hours or even days? Even more mysterious, why is it that hearing “no” from other people doesn’t seem to upset her? Take this example -- Friday night has arrived, a TGIF if ever there was one. You are beyond ready to put your feet up – right after you pick up your 14-year-old daughter and her friends from the movies. Relief is so close you can almost touch it. You’re a darned good sport to be providing taxi service after a week like this.

An hour later, the last friend having been delivered to her door, your daughter turns to you in the car and says, “Mom – you know that camera you said I could get? I found one, and they’re open ‘til midnight. Can we get it tonight? Please???”

You manage to stifle a scream as the response leaps from your lips:

“No, we can not!!”

Before you can even take another breath, your daughter has slouched into the car door as far away from you as possible, an island of anger and hurt. How is this possible, you wonder in frustration. Suddenly the weekend feels more taxing than the five days that preceded it.

The answer lies in the words you haven’t said. What’s hurtful to kids – and why they may become so upset – is not the frustration of not getting what they want. It’s the messages that ride along with the “no” that harm their spirits and affect your relationship.

Messages like:

How dare you ask!
How selfish!
Your wishes are outrageous.
You are so demanding!
Your needs drain me.

It’s possible to say “no” without all those negative messages, by having empathy for yourself and your child.

Accept the importance of the request to the child.
Accept your own limitations. It’s natural to be tired after a long week.
Give yourself permission to take care of yourself.
Acknowledge your desire to give your child what she wants – even when you can’t deliver it.

Here’s how it sounds: “I know it’s important to you, I really wish I could make it happen, but I just can’t.”