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Make Room for Silence in your Life

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Is it safe to say that all of us as parents at one point or another have asked our children to apologize? Apologies are transparent when you think about it. The ‘I just want to get out of trouble and get this over with’ apologies are really obvious. With these types of apologies there is li
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Q. Our 9-year-old daughter has become very sarcastic in the last few months. She constantly argues with everything I say, and is verbally abusive to her younger brother who is 6. She complains that she has no friends this year at school, and I suspect this new attitude is the reason why. Is this a phase or should I be concerned that this is a bigger issue?

Sarcasm is a phase of child development. Having said that, it seems like it is truly affecting many aspects of your daughter’s life and it is now important to really pay attention to it. You need to have an authentic discussion about how her behavior/response if affecting the relationships in her life. Point out the things you see -- but do it in a loving way. Talk about that you really love her and care about everything that happens to her and that you are concerned with what is going on. Ask if there are things going on in her life that she feels stressed or anxious about. Then try to help her cope with this stress. Coach her in what she can say when she’s frustrated instead of being sarcastic. Model it for her in your responses. Take time in the next few weeks to really process how her day has gone and try to help her be a good friend. If things don’t seem to be getting better, seek some coaching from your pediatrician, school counselor or other counselors.