Tips
Select tips from the topics listed below. If you don’t see the topic you are looking for, please let us know. If the topic is a popular request, we will do our best to add content.
Acceptance
Accept your children's feelings. Hold them (and yourself) accountable. Gayle Holten, Beyond Self-Esteem , 2001 Cincinnati For the Love of Kids® Parenting Conference.
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Help Your Children Learn Compassion and Empathy
Help your children learn compassion and empathy for adults and peers, and become attuned to a broad diversity of people. ("How do you think she felt being the only girl on your team?" "Do you
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Spiritual Curiosity and Depth
Develop a capacity for spiritual curiosity and depth, a sense of morality that does not depend on outside influences. Be thoughtful about ethical dilemmas and difficult situations ("I know you
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Make Learning a Part of Life
Encourage an inner motivation to learn -- an intellectual curiosity that goes beyond grades or awards or college acceptances. It is important for children to get out of their neighborhood bub
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When a child is feeling anxious, assess the stressor from your child’s point of view.
When your child feels an intense emotion, such as anxiety, try to put yourself in your child’s shoes. A fear to a child may seem trivial for an adult, but may feel quite intense for a child. To your
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Validating your child’s feelings is the first step to reducing her anxiety.
Your child’s feeling of anxiety or stress is not right or wrong. She needs your support. After she feels that support, then you can move on to solve any problems that have caused her to feel anxious
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Sometimes children’s thoughts and beliefs cause them to feel anxious.
If your child is afraid of the dark, ask him, “What makes you afraid?” Perhaps the response would be, “There are monsters in the closet.” Focus on the thought and explore it with him: “Let’s go ta
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Provide alternatives as opposed to forcing your child to do an activity about which she feels anxious.
Forcing a child to do something she is afraid of may increase her anxiety. Having choices can help her to feel more in control. When there is no choice, as with attending school, you may need to wor
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Teach your child to manage his anger by giving your child words for his feelings.
Anger often escalates when a child feels misunderstood. Simply enabling your child to communicate by giving names to his feelings can help him feel more calm and be understood.
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Learn from your child what works best for him to calm himself.
Experiment with different ways to restore calm. Try deep breaths or counting backwards from 10. Perhaps a hug calms your child, or maybe she prefers some time alone.
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Teach your child to recognize when she is angry.
Calmly tell your child that she is getting angry, and that it is time to regain her control before acting on it.
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See the teaching opportunity in anger management.
Anger management is a process. Adults’ bodies and children’s bodies alike naturally respond to anger in a way that would lead to impulsive behavior if not channeled. Teaching your child how to regai
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To develop your child’s emotional intelligence, keep in mind that feelings are not “right” or “wrong.”
Everyone experiences the world and events differently. While you may not feel so strongly or might disagree, remember that your child is not wrong to feel how she feels.
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Listen to make sure you understand how your child is feeling. Don’t guess at it.
You may think your child is thrilled to have the lead role in the school play, but she may feel quite anxious about it. Ask open ended questions such as “How do you feel about playing Annie in the p
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To foster emotional intelligence, validate negative feelings. Be careful not to make light of them.
It can be very frustrating when someone makes fun of your feelings. It also can cause a child question whether or not it is okay to have the feelings. When kids get the sense that their feelings are
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Validate your child’s feelings while enforcing rules.
“While it is okay to feel angry that your brother took a toy away, it is not okay to hit.” It is helpful for your child to let her know that her feelings are acceptable. Follow through consistently
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When your child has intense emotions, do not shut down or ignore them. Instead, stay calm and teach him what to do.
You may feel more emotional yourself when your child is having a tantrum. However, by modeling staying calm, you in turn teach your child that he can calm down. Then, focus on the situation and prov
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Use your child’s experiences of emotion (positive or negative) as an opportunity to connect.
Whether your child comes home from school excited about a great day or sad about something that happened, both are opportunities to communicate and to grow closer through your caring and support.
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Give your child words for his emotions.
When your young child blurts out, “I hate you”, clarify what is going on: “You are feeling very angry.” Then you can proceed to teach him how to use his words better: “I feel angry when you don’t le
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Teach your child acceptable ways to handle his emotions.
These include taking a deep breath when angry, counting backwards from 10, and spending some time in her room to calm down. Find what works best for your child.
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Teach your child to weather the storm of powerful emotions and then to problem solve.
It is hard to solve problems effectively when emotions are running high. Let your child know that after everyone is calm, it will be time to work on the problem. Be sure to follow through.
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Sensitivity is a temperamental trait. Provide plenty of empathy for your sensitive child.
Sensitive children need their parents and caregivers to understand that the tag in their shirt really does bother them or that a crowded mall has way too many stimuli for them to cope with.
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Adaptability is a temperamental trait. Increase the connection with your child who has trouble approaching new situations by serving as his anchor.
With your security and coaching, he will have a foundation for approaching situations more comfortably in the future.
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Persistence is a temperamental trait. Persistent children need to know what is coming next.
The use of limits and a timer can help them to more easily transition. For a child that persists when told “no,” it is most helpful for a parent to kindly and consistently as possible hold to the li
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To foster resilience in your child empathize and validate your child’s feelings without judging them.
“You’re so angry about this!” “Your feelings are really hurt.” This is an important first step before working to solve the problem.
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Teach your children how to handle the challenges that come their way.
Help them see what they can do to handle the challenge and let them know you believe they can do it. Give them ways to manage their behavior when they feel frustrated in the midst of a tough situati
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To foster resilience, help your children brainstorm possible solutions for their problems and let them decide which one to try.
When your child presents a problem, ask questions: “What do you think you could do?” “What else could you try?” “Do you think that solution will work?” “How will eve
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Problem-solving builds resilience. Role-play scenarios and practice how your child can respond in certain situations.
Just like practicing an instrument or a sport, children can practice problem-solving. This practice makes them stronger and more capable of handling new situations that inevitably arise.
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Kids know when you’re listening. Allow yourself to be captivated by your kids.
When your children talk to you, strive to be fully present, physically and emotionally. With some kids you’ll connect best by squatting down to their level, making eye contact, and putting other tas
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Kids like to talk to people who see all that they are – and who feel that it is enough.
When the milk spills, rather than bemoaning your daughter’s “carelessness” – focus on her competence to clean it up and try again. When your son hits his third triple of the week, observe how he rel
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It’s comfortable to share with adults who reflect feelings rather than correcting them.
Work to understand what your child is experiencing. Remember, communication, by definition, means receiving the message of the other person – not cheerleading them out of it.
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First try to understand.
Once you can see it from his point of view, your child’s feelings will make sense to you. Knowing that you’ll try to understand without judging makes kids feel safe and loved – and they’re more like
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It’s more important to empathize than “fix.”
Especially as kids move into the teen years, they have a healthy need to find their own solutions. It’s part of fully establishing themselves as individuals. Jumping in with answers robs them of the
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Teach Kids how to Communicate their feelings.
Teach the use of “I” messages, meaning that kids state their feelings as “I feel angry (or sad, or hurt…) when _______, I want______, and I am willing to ___________.” This teaches a child to take r
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When facing a major move, help children understand that they might feel several conflicting emotions at the same time.
It's OK to feel sad and have feelings of loss while also being excited about moving to a new place.
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Seek Active Solutions for Predictable Difficulties Before They Happen
Super market meltdowns, morning madness, witching hour, can often be averted if limits are set ahead of time. Dr. Ron Taffel, Psy D., Raising Your More Spirited Child , 2000 Cincinnati For the
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Emotional Development
Young children need adult support and assistance as they identify their feelings, learn how to manage them, and delay gratification. They come to recognize emotions in others, which helps them t
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