Tips
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As Parents Our Job is Not to "Fix" Everything for Our Children
In other words, our most important task is to teach them how to think and not to tell them what to think. We can and often need to tell our children what we think. Gayle Holten, Ages
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Teach Your Children the Gift of Adversity
Tough times make the good times even better. Jerry Sasson, Ed.D., Everyday Blessings , 2001 Cincinnati For the Love of Kids® Parenting Conference.
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Be Someone Your Child Can Go to When Upset
Children need to feel that they have someone to go to for help when they have problems. Ellen Galinsky, The Myth Of Work/Family Balance - Moving from Doing it All to Simply Parenting Well , 1999 Ci
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When Your Child Makes a Poor Choice, Ask How They Plan to Fix It
Make amends, pay restitution, apologize, communicate; these are just a few ideas. Gayle Holten, Avoiding the Chores Wars: Moving from the battleground to a more cooperative homefront , 200
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Help Your Children Learn Self-Awareness
Help your children learn self-awareness -- a key skill in handling stress. We can role model this and learn to listen patiently when a child is emotionally distressed ("Looks like it was a hard
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Keep in mind that your children observe your reactions to daily events. Your anxiety may fuel your child’s anxiety.
If you are feeling particularly anxious about a situation, you may choose to work through your anxiety when your children are not present. If you work it through when they are present, let them he
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When your child has intense emotions, do not shut down or ignore them. Instead, stay calm and teach him what to do.
You may feel more emotional yourself when your child is having a tantrum. However, by modeling staying calm, you in turn teach your child that he can calm down. Then, focus on the situation and prov
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Use your child’s experiences of emotion (positive or negative) as an opportunity to connect.
Whether your child comes home from school excited about a great day or sad about something that happened, both are opportunities to communicate and to grow closer through your caring and support.
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Teach your child acceptable ways to handle his emotions.
These include taking a deep breath when angry, counting backwards from 10, and spending some time in her room to calm down. Find what works best for your child.
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Teach your child to weather the storm of powerful emotions and then to problem solve.
It is hard to solve problems effectively when emotions are running high. Let your child know that after everyone is calm, it will be time to work on the problem. Be sure to follow through.
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To foster resilience in your child empathize and validate your child’s feelings without judging them.
“You’re so angry about this!” “Your feelings are really hurt.” This is an important first step before working to solve the problem.
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Foster resilience by emphasizing the strengths that your child already possesses.
Remind your child of past successes. Help your child to see that the tools she needs to handle these situations are already inside her. Help her to become more aware of all that she is and all that
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Let your child make mistakes – because learning from mistakes fosters resilience.
Teach your children that mistakes are expected! Show them the learning opportunities in their mistakes. This helps children to accept and love themselves exactly as they are, including their imperfe
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Children need to experience some pain in a safe environment to develop resilience. Therefore, don’t shield your child from all emotional pain.
Use it as an opportunity to allow your child to express his feelings in a safe supportive environment. Teach your child to use his supports and effectively problem-solve to gain strength to deal wit
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Promote resilience by teaching your children that they can handle the challenges that come their way.
Children need to feel capable. If they think they can do it, they will be more likely to do it. For example, if your child is being teased, tell your child, “You can handle this. I believe in yo
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Teach your children how to handle the challenges that come their way.
Help them see what they can do to handle the challenge and let them know you believe they can do it. Give them ways to manage their behavior when they feel frustrated in the midst of a tough situati
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To foster resilience, help your children brainstorm possible solutions for their problems and let them decide which one to try.
When your child presents a problem, ask questions: “What do you think you could do?” “What else could you try?” “Do you think that solution will work?” “How will eve
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Problem-solving builds resilience. Role-play scenarios and practice how your child can respond in certain situations.
Just like practicing an instrument or a sport, children can practice problem-solving. This practice makes them stronger and more capable of handling new situations that inevitably arise.
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Foster resilience by helping your child list people who love him and support him. Write the list down.
Having a support system is a success key to building resilience. You can hang the list in your child’s room, put it in a note for him to open at school and or post it on the refrigerator.
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Promote resilience by anchoring your child.
When children are experiencing challenging situations, they are more likely to act out at home by whining, bullying their siblings, etc.… As a parent, these behaviors can cause frustration and incli
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Keep the lines of communication open to help your child build resilience.
Let your child know that you are there to listen non-judgmentally and to help problem-solve solutions.
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When the challenge is too big for the child, provide help.
Let your child know that she can handle many hard things that come her way, but that sometimes an adult has to help out. Through talking, you can decide together if there comes a time that your chil
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Reflect upon your own experiences to foster resilience in your child.
How have you weathered hard times? Think about how your support system and your ability to solve problems have helped you. Teach your child what you have learned.
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Kids know when you’re listening. Allow yourself to be captivated by your kids.
When your children talk to you, strive to be fully present, physically and emotionally. With some kids you’ll connect best by squatting down to their level, making eye contact, and putting other tas
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Kids gravitate towards adults who take them seriously.
Children work hard to learn and grow. That’s reflected in the thoughts and feelings that they express. Strive to appreciate their thought process and respect their growth instead of giving in to the
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Kids like to talk to people who see all that they are – and who feel that it is enough.
When the milk spills, rather than bemoaning your daughter’s “carelessness” – focus on her competence to clean it up and try again. When your son hits his third triple of the week, observe how he rel
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It’s comfortable to share with adults who reflect feelings rather than correcting them.
Work to understand what your child is experiencing. Remember, communication, by definition, means receiving the message of the other person – not cheerleading them out of it.
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First try to understand.
Once you can see it from his point of view, your child’s feelings will make sense to you. Knowing that you’ll try to understand without judging makes kids feel safe and loved – and they’re more like
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Kids share with adults who genuinely enjoy them.
Champion your children’s efforts and enjoy their successes!
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Kids talk to people who see them as individuals. Strive to see the person.
Adolescents are fascinating! Be excited to learn about your teen’s thoughts, tastes, wishes, beliefs. Your genuine interest has the side effect of helping your teen be open to your concerns.
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Focus on your child’s strengths.
Your child with ADHD may have a wonderful imagination, musical ability, athleticism. Focus on your child’s gifts and strengths, and love your child for who he is. This in turn will help him love an
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Remember Children are Generally Resilient and Competent
Despite "imperfect parenting," children tend to grow and develop well. Monica Mitchell, Ph.D., Infant and Toddler Development , 2001 Cincinnati For the Love of Kids® Parenting Conference.
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Transition to Middle School Can Be Tough!
The onset of difficulty sleeping or sudden school avoidance happens. Reassure your pre-teen about his/her competencies and keep them in school. Pre-teens with learning or behavioral difficul
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