Anxiety and Stress

What You Can Do

Choose a solution that matches the cause:

1. Unrealistic Expectations. When anxiety arises from your child’s own thoughts and expectations, you can help him reduce the anxiety by changing the thought processes that cause it. (Visit the Resources for additional resources.)
   
   Sometimes parents unknowingly create pressure for their kids. If you think this might be a factor, take time to reassess your values and priorities. Ask yourself:
   
   
   • Is the activity I’m emphasizing really that important?
   • If so, can we reorganize our schedule to reduce stress?
   • Am I expecting more than my child can reasonably manage?
   • How can I reduce my child’s stress?

   Success Tip: Communicate with your child. Allow her to talk while you listen until you fully understand what she’s saying. You may not even realize that you or someone else is putting pressure on her.
   
   Teaching opportunity: You can serve as your child’s coach and anchor by helping him manage his thoughts, expectations and time. As you pause and reflect, your whole family can benefit from changes you choose to make.

2. Growing Up. Know your child’s developmental stage and what needs and fears are common to that stage. For example, infants and toddlers need to feel secure and know that their basic needs will be met. If this doesn’t happen, it sets the stage for future anxiety.
   
   Separation anxiety is normal at certain developmental stages. Understanding this allows you to plan ways to minimize your child’s stress.
   
   Some children experience more separation anxiety than others. Reasons may include temperament, genetic predisposition, and/or how often they have been cared for by someone other than you.
   
   Success Tip: Evaluate the situation from your child’s point of view. A child’s fear may seem trivial to an adult, but quite intense to the child. Also, temperaments vary. What’s stressful for your older daughter might be a cakewalk for your younger one.
   
   For some great tips on supporting a child through separation anxiety, check out Northern County Psychiatric Associates' Separation Anxiety in Young Children.
   
   
3. Trying to Fit a Square Peg in a Round Hole. “Children are not things to be molded, but are people to be unfolded.” -- Jess Lair
   
   Every child has a unique set of interests and gifts, often entirely different from those of his parents. Embrace your differences and allow your child to express himself. The results may surprise and delight you! Perhaps you have a love for sports and hoped your child would become an athlete. Try as she might, she doesn’t enjoy nor do well in sports. This can create anxiety for both of you.
   
   After music class, she tells you she really enjoys singing. Rather than pushing sports, support her in singing or playing an instrument and let her fill your home with music. This type of experience can enrich the whole family.
   
   
4. Stress from Over-Scheduling. There are so many activities available for children, and well-meaning parents don’t want their kids to miss out. The key is to balance a stimulating variety of activities with your child’s need for “down-time.”
   
   Are your days a frenzied flurry of multi-tasking? Re-organizing your time and focusing on what’s really important to you and your family may be the key to reducing anxiety for everyone.
   
   Perhaps you can come up with family guidelines. For example, you may enroll each child in no more than one extracurricular activity at a time.
   
   If you feel your family is over-scheduled, step back and look at your priorities and values [link to values area when ready]. You may decide some activities can wait. While your children are younger, you may also take the approach of sampling different activities to find out where their passions lie.
   
   
5. Transfer of Parental Anxiety; Anxiety from Current Events. Remember: your children observe your reactions. If you feel particularly anxious about a situation, consider working through it when your children aren’t around.
   
   If you work through it when they’re present, let them hear phrases such as “I can handle this,” and “I’ll work through it.” Empower yourself and empower your children.
   
   If children learn about distressing current events, talk with them about what they’ve heard. You can frame the events in a way that reduces anxiety. For example: “Hurricanes are scary, and we’ll try to help those people it has affected. Hurricanes are storms that strike near oceans and gulfs, so we wouldn’t have one here.”
   
   While you can help your child keep a sense of proportion, the reality is that disasters happen -- both natural and manmade. PrepareRespondRecover.com provides information about disaster preparedness. You’ll also find a developmental chart that lists normal behavioral responses to frightening events, as well as behavioral responses requiring additional help.
   
   
6. Stress from Life Changes. Learn what you can do to help your children with:
   
   
   • Divorce
   • Grief (link to Grief content area)