Children's Anger and Tantrums

Helping Children Learn to Manage Anger

Modeling      

We define modeling as setting an example for children by your own actions.

Children learn by observing the actions of other people, so parents’ behavior matters a lot. That can be challenging! As rewarding as parenting is, there are also many frustrations. The way you handle the conflicting demands and difficulties of family life teaches your kids how to handle their own angry moments.

The good news? Children are resilient. No matter the past, it’s not too late to start working on anger management for children -- or adults. If you’ve made mistakes, admit it and tell your kids you’re working to improve. Then follow through with some real changes in the way you react when situations upset you.

When you do that, you model another important lesson: It’s OK to make mistakes. This is an opportunity to teach your values about accepting responsibility for mistakes and learning from them.

Managing Triggers   

Learn to recognize triggers. Once you know what triggers anger for you or your child, the next step is calming down before using angry hands or words.

Some ways for both children and adults to regain their cool:

• Take deep breaths.
  
  
• Count backwards from 10.
  
  
• Self-talk. Tell yourselves, “I can handle this”, “If I hit (yell), it won’t work, and we’ll all feel worse.”
  
  
• Walk away (if appropriate) and do something to relax, like listen to music. The time to talk about what happened comes after calming down. Then you can examine the problem and its cause and brainstorm solutions.