Children's Anger and Tantrums

Why Children Have Tantrums

Growing up is tough!

For children, each stage of development brings new things to learn and want – along with new fears and frustrations. The result: a confusing tangle of conflicting emotions!

For example, a toddler wants to do things big people do. She also needs the reassurance of connection to her mother and has times when she wants to be “babied.” It’s all very confusing, even more so because their unique temperament causes each child to respond very differently to similar challenges.

Toddlers lack many of the skills for dealing with their emotions. Often, angry outbursts get them the results they want – and toddlers are smart enough to repeat a behavior that works. Since children want and need parental attention, they’ll take any kind they can get - positive or negative.

For older children tantrums are often an extension of toddler behavior. If tantrums worked when they were younger, they’ll continue to use their temper to handle anger and frustration.

The longer kids continue the tantrum habit, the harder it is to change to more positive coping mechanisms. Again, though, it’s never too late to learn new skills.

Minimizing Tantrums

Start with prevention:

• Know your child’s triggers and work to minimize them;
  
• Know what helps your child calm down and help him do it:
  
• Practice anger management skills and model them for your child.

Understand the cause and respond accordingly. If the tantrum is for attention:

• Ignore it with minimal to no reaction and wait for it to end;
  
• Quiet Action: kindly and firmly remove the child from the situation. Do this consistently, and in time, your child will learn this behavior is not working.

If the tantrum results from trouble handling frustration:

• Help the child calm down;
  
• Teach your child to recognize feelings of frustration and use self-calming strategies.