Children's Anger and Tantrums

Ages & Stages

Infants and Toddlers

• Give your toddler words for expressing feelings. Example: “You feel angry that you can’t have candy before lunch.” You can give words to your child’s feelings while still standing firm on your policies.
• Teach your child how to calm down. Learn from observing your child what works to bring calm.
• Model anger management. If you feel yourself getting angry, take a deep breath or a time-out (if it’s safe to do so).

Preschoolers and Kindergarteners

• Continue giving your child words for his feelings.
• Help your child to use her words.
• Introduce “I” messages: “I feel angry (or other feeling) when________, I want ________ and I am willing to __________. “
• Reinforce ways that work for your child to calm down. Example: “You seem to be feeling angry, why don’t you count backwards from 10?”

Elementary Age

• Work on identifying feelings with words.
• Teach child to identify triggers and use techniques to calm down when a trigger occurs.
• Role play using words to respond in frustrating situations (kids love it).

Middle School

• Keep lines of communication open. Encourage your child to explain why he’s feeling the way he is, and talk about the best way to handle the emotion.
• Discuss empathy with your child. Empathy is the ability to understand how someone else feels. This can serve as a moral compass in deciding how to respond when angry.
• Stress the importance of non-violent solutions and problem-solving.

Pre-Adolescents and Adolescents

As tweens and teens undergo changes and prepare for adulthood, there are many great opportunities to coach them on managing emotions in ways that fit within the scope of your values.

• Continue encouraging open communication.
• Listen to your adolescent so she’ll be more likely to listen to you.
• Stress that people can have different points of view, and that’s OK.
• Work on calming down when angry and later brainstorming solutions for problems.