Children's Anger and Tantrums

Resources: Websites, Tools & Books

Websites

Tools

• Certificate of Awesome Achievement.  It's been shown time and again that appreciating what children do right, rather than focusing on correcting what's wrong, is the most effective way to support their growth.  Use these certificates to provide visible recognition for your children's achievements.            
  
  HINT: don't just wait for those giant accomplishments -- like straight A's or 100% on a test.  Reinforce your children's efforts.  For some children, having the courage to pick up the phone and order a pizza is a great step forward in their social confidence.  That's cause for celebration!  Maybe it's being assertive with a problem peer; maybe it's starting s school project two weeks ahead of time rather than waiting until the night before it's due.  Each of these represents important growth for your child.  Being able to appreciate the many achievements that make up an ultimate large success is one key to effective parenting.
  
  
• Certificate of Grand Accomplishment.  It's been shown time and again that appreciating what children do right, rather than focusing on correcting what's wrong, is the most effective way to support their growth.  Use these certificates to provide visible recognition for your children's achievements.            
  
  HINT: don't just wait for those giant accomplishments -- like straight A's or 100% on a test.  Reinforce your children's efforts.  For some children, having the courage to pick up the phone and order a pizza is a great step forward in their social confidence.  That's cause for celebration!  Maybe it's being assertive with a problem peer; maybe it's starting s school project two weeks ahead of time rather than waiting until the night before it's due.  Each of these represents important growth for your child.  Being able to appreciate the many achievements that make up an ultimate large success is one key to effective parenting.
  
  
• Great Successes.  Teach your children to recognize their own successes.  Daily life holds lots of challenges -- from asking another child to play at recess to finishing a project on time.  A task that is easy for one child can present a significant hurdle for another.  By appreciating children's efforts to surmount their personal hurdles, parents demonstrate respect and acceptance -- and that's how children learn to accept and respect themselves!    
  
  HINT: Success and perfection are not the same thing!  Part of building resilience and self esteem is teaching children to feel pride in progress toward a goal rather than withholding celebration until perfection is achieved.
  
  
• I Found Out Something About Myself Today.  Children strive throughout childhood and adolescence to develop a strong sense of self.  It starts with the discover in infancy that they are separate from their parents and, moving into their second year, that they can disagree with them!  Children who have a strong sense of who they are, what they believe, what values they hold are less vulnerable to peer pressure and have less of a need to rebel in adolescence.  Demonstrate your respect for your child's process of self-discovery by offering this tool.                   
  
  HINT: If your child is curious, it can be fun to look at what you've learned about him, using the PARENTING COMPASS, next to his conclusions about himself.  Just listen and share.  Don't be insistent about your point of view.  If he says he likes red and you think he prefers purple, that's okay!  What is important is to communicate your enjoyment of his process of self-discovery.
  
  
• My Action Plan.  My Action Plan shows your child how to set a goal and make a plan to achieve it.  Use this tool together with My Goal Tracker, a tool to help your child follow through on her Action Steps so that she can reach her goal.
  
  Moving from vision to accomplishment requires a set of skills that parents can teach.  Use My Action Plan to show your child how to put a goal into words and how to think through the Action Steps he’ll have to take in order to reach that goal.  Guide the process by being curious.  Ask questions like, “What do you think you’ll have to do to make that happen?” and “How often (or how many times) do you think you’ll need to do that?”
  
  HINT: Start small!  Use this tool with early elementary age children on goals that they can achieve quickly.  They’ll gain a strong feeling of competence and of their ability to decide what they want – and go after it.
  
  
• My Goal Tracker.  Self-esteem is directly connected to achievement.  That’s great news, because you can teach your children the skills to name their goals and reach them.  My Goal Tracker is designed to allow children to monitor their own progress on the Actions Steps that lead to achieving their goals.              
  
  HINT: Celebrate success!  Consider going shopping for the stickers of your child’s choice to use on the Goal Tracker.  (Try the scrapbooking section of your favorite crafts store.)  Make sure to share the pride and delight you feel as your child takes steps towards reaching a goal.  Having their efforts recognized and genuinely appreciated is a reward in itself.
  
  
• What Do I Do Now?  Steps to Making It Right. Naturally there are consequences, some positive and some negative, for the choices that children make.  But beyond consequences, it's learning to work their way out of a bad decision that builds responsible, competent children and young adults.  The What Do I Do Now??? worksheet will empower your children to make things right again -- and build their self esteem in the process.
  
  
• Why Did I Do That?  The Behavior Detective.  There are important moments in your child's life when she either accomplishes something fantastic that is a little out of character or makes an especially unfortunate decision.  Whether she's managed to give an oral report in class or has made a choice to hit her younger brother, it's a moment for learning.  You can help by guiding your child to pay attention to what was happening right before the unusual event -- and right afterward.  How was she feeling?  And what was happening right before that?  She can then begin to understand that events and feeelings lead to actions. 
  
  So perhaps she looked at her assignment book, felt overwhelmed with the work that was due, couldn't find a text book -- and then hit her little brother when he teased her about not being able to watch TV until homework was done.  Once she's explored what came before, help her look at what happened and how she felt afterward.  Paying attention to the outcomes of her actions -- both positive and negative -- will help her decide what she wants to do in the future.                                 
  
  Use this cartoon format to help your child track all those complicated events and feelings, and, in the case of a poor decision, to think about how she might "rewrite the story" if she could.                          
  
  HINT: Remember to take a close look at those unexpected accomplishments, too!  Understanding what led up to a new achievement makes it possible to repeat it in the future. 
  

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