Emotional Intelligence
The Basics
Know Your Style of Handling Emotions
The first step in becoming your child’s emotional coach is to be aware of your own parenting style and your reactions to emotions.
There are three types of parenting styles widely discussed by parenting experts. These include: permissive, authoritarian, and authoritative (the terms can vary slightly). Read more about these styles in The Heart of Parenting by(John Gottman, Ph.D.; and Kids are Worth It! byBabrara Coloroso (see Resources).
In terms of emotional coaching, a permissive parent may allow a child to experience emotions, but not teach him what to do with them. Permissive homes lack structure and boundaries, leaving children feeling confused about what they should do.
In authoritarian homes, parents feel they should be in control. In terms of emotional coaching, kids may be discouraged from feeling their feelings, or believe they are unacceptable. That’s a problem, since feeling accepted leads to feeling acceptable, and this is where self-esteem comes from.
Experts agree that authoritative parenting is the most effective. This parenting style is kind but firm. Parents offer empathy and support while providing discipline and teaching values. A parent with an authoritative approach is most likely to serve as an emotional coach.
If you have grown up in a permissive or authoritarian home, or if one of these currently describes your household’s style, you can still take steps to become an emotional coach for your child. Many parents fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. Wherever you fall, you can increase your child’s as well as your own EQ by following the steps below.
