Emotional Intelligence

Resources: Websites, Tools & Books

Websites

Tools

• Become a Feelings Detective. When children act out, it’s often because they aren’t able to recognize their own emotions.  Being aware of what’s going on inside themselves has to happen before they can see things from other people’s points of view.  This is Step One in becoming a Feelings Detective.  Use this tool over and over until your child automatically puts her feelings into words as things happen throughout her day.
  
  
• Feelings Detective at Work!  Recognizing other people's emotions is crucial to succeeding in social situations.  For some children this comes naturally.  Others need to learn to pay attention to what others are feeling and then to respond accordingly.  This requires a little detective work -- and that amounts to fun!  Use this tool to encourage your child to notice what other people are experiencing -- whether it's a character on television, someone in line at the grocery store, or another member of the family.  Be sure to notice your child's excellent detective work!
  
  
• Certificate of Awesome Achievement.  It's been shown time and again that appreciating what children do right, rather than focusing on correcting what's wrong, is the most effective way to support their growth.  Use these certificates to provide visible recognition for your children's achievements.            
  
  HINT: don't just wait for those giant accomplishments -- like straight A's or 100% on a test.  Reinforce your children's efforts.  For some children, having the courage to pick up the phone and order a pizza is a great step forward in their social confidence.  That's cause for celebration!  Maybe it's being assertive with a problem peer; maybe it's starting s school project two weeks ahead of time rather than waiting until the night before it's due.  Each of these represents important growth for your child.  Being able to appreciate the many achievements that make up an ultimate large success is one key to effective parenting.
  
  
• Certificate of Grand Accomplishment.  It's been shown time and again that appreciating what children do right, rather than focusing on correcting what's wrong, is the most effective way to support their growth.  Use these certificates to provide visible recognition for your children's achievements.            
  
  HINT: don't just wait for those giant accomplishments -- like straight A's or 100% on a test.  Reinforce your children's efforts.  For some children, having the courage to pick up the phone and order a pizza is a great step forward in their social confidence.  That's cause for celebration!  Maybe it's being assertive with a problem peer; maybe it's starting s school project two weeks ahead of time rather than waiting until the night before it's due.  Each of these represents important growth for your child.  Being able to appreciate the many achievements that make up an ultimate large success is one key to effective parenting.
  
  
• Great Successes.  Teach your children to recognize their own successes.  Daily life holds lots of challenges -- from asking another child to play at recess to finishing a project on time.  A task that is easy for one child can present a significant hurdle for another.  By appreciating children's efforts to surmount their personal hurdles, parents demonstrate respect and acceptance -- and that's how children learn to accept and respect themselves!     
  
  HINT: Success and perfection are not the same thing!  Part of building resilience and self esteem is teaching children to feel pride in progress toward a goal rather than withholding celebration until perfection is achieved.
  
  
• I Found Out Something About Myself Today.  Children strive throughout childhood and adolescence to develop a strong sense of self.  It starts with the discover in infancy that they are separate from their parents and, moving into their second year, that they can disagree with them!  Children who have a strong sense of who they are, what they believe, what values they hold are less vulnerable to peer pressure and have less of a need to rebel in adolescence.  Demonstrate your respect for your child's process of self-discovery by offering this tool.                   
  
  HINT: If your child is curious, it can be fun to look at what you've learned about him, using the PARENTING COMPASS, next to his conclusions about himself.  Just listen and share.  Don't be insistent about your point of view.  If he says he likes red and you think he prefers purple, that's okay!  What is important is to communicate your enjoyment of his process of self-discovery.
  
  
• Our Hours:  My Day in Pictures.  Where would you be without your daily planner to remind you what needs to be done and when?  Your kids may feel just as confused about their daily schedule, even if the routine is predictable.  Teaching your child to understand time can help your family during daily routines and can even cut down on tantrums.  However, time is not an easy concept for kids to grasp. The old saying, “A picture’s worth a thousand words,” applies here.  Each page in the Our Hours booklet lets you pair a picture of your child in a daily activity with a clock showing the time it occurs and a simple description that you’ll write together. You can put many pages together to create a book that your child will love to read again and again!                   
  
  HINT: Just beware: One drawback to teaching your child about time may be that when you say you’ll be out of the bathroom in five minutes, they may hold you to that!  (for ages 3 and up)
  

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