Grief and Loss
Ages & Stages
Ages & Stages
Children have different developmental capacities and understandings of losses. The following information will give you an idea of what to expect for each age group:
Preschoolers and Kindergartners
- Preschoolers don’t grasp the concept of death nor understand that it’s forever. Still, they do grieve and feel stress at losing someone or something important to them.
- Preschoolers may feel their own wishes caused a person to go away. This feeling of guilt along with sadness and lack of words to express their feelings create confusion for a preschooler. As a result, preschoolers may use any and perhaps many of the mechanisms described in How Children Grieve to act out their grief.
- Losing a caregiver is especially difficult for preschoolers. They need extra empathy to move on.
Elementary Age Children
- Elementary age children are beginning to learn that death is forever.
- They may ask to hear what’s happened over and over in order to grasp the concept.
- They may feel their behavior caused the loss or separation.
- They may ask questions about what happened in a matter-of-fact manner (for example, what happened to the body).
- They may act out their feelings in their behavior and play.
Middleschoolers
- Middleschoolers understand that death is permanent.
- They better understand the reasons death happens.
- They’re less likely to blame themselves, but may blame others.
- They also may want to know details, and ask more spiritual questions.
- Middleschoolers are better able to empathize with others.
Pre-Adolescents and Adolescents
- Adolescents may feel grief more intensely since this is an emotional age.
- Relationship break-ups can be a significant source of grief and stress for this age group.
- They may withdraw and become depressed.
- Adolescents look to their friends for comfort but can benefit greatly from the connection with their parents as well.
