My Self relates to self-esteem. A child with high self esteem feels a fundamental sense of self worth, of being valued as a person.

You can do the following to build in your children a solid, unwavering sense of their own value:

• Let the sparkle in your eye or the warmth of your hug tell your kids they’re loveable – no matter what problem they’re facing or how they’re feeling.
  
  
• Show your delight in your child’s accomplishments – large and small.
  
  
• Trust your child’s natural ability to bounce back. Your confidence that she’ll be okay will build her sense of optimism.
  
  
• Validate your child’s pride in his achievements.
  
  
• Be a “gentle giant” for your child. When you’re authoritatively “in charge” but not dictatorial, you give your child a strong leader to identify with.

What children draw from this:

• “I am loveable just for being me.”
  
  
• “I’m strong enough to get through tough times.”
  
  
• “I’m proud of my accomplishments.”
  
  
• “I feel hopeful and confident.”

My Strengths refers to focusing on what a child can do. When children know they’re capable, they can deal with situations with more confidence and resolve. A resilient child is one who believes he can work through situations, solve problems, and be effective. When adversity occurs, she can handle it.
You can increase your child’s ability to use his strengths by focusing on the following:

• Help her recognize her own strengths and welcome her awareness that “I’m good at that!”
  
  
• Teach him how to apply his strengths to solve problems. For example, if humor is his gift, show him how to use it in difficult situations with peers.
  
  
• Explain that everyone is better at some things than others, and that’s okay. If your child is good at drawing but not at soccer, help her celebrate her artistic ability rather than being overly worried about skills she lacks.

What children draw from this:

• “I know what I’m especially good at.”
  
  
• “I can use my strengths to solve problems.”
  
  
• “I’m better at some things than others – and that’s okay.”
  
  
• “When I make mistakes, it’s okay, and I learn from them.”

My Beliefs. Optimistic children are more resilient. You can help foster optimism by helping your child believe he can make a difference in the outcome of situations. You encourage your child to rely on her beliefs when you emphasize and model these beliefs:

• Point out successes to help your child believe in his ability to solve problems.
  
  
• Teach your child that there are no failures, just first tries and next tries. Help her learn from each attempt.
  
  
• Once a problem has been resolved, point out to your child that the overwhelming situation is now over; that bad times do end.
  
  
• Explain to your child that when bad things happen, it doesn’t mean he deserved it or caused it. Sometimes bad things just happen.

What children draw from this:

• “I believe that if I try hard, I can solve problems.”
  
  
• “When my first idea doesn’t work, I can learn from that and try something different.”
  
  
• “I trust bad times are temporary.”
  
  
• “I know bad things just happen sometimes, and it’s not because I caused or deserved it.”

My Helpers: Children, like adults, need support during challenging times. When children feel secure in asking for and receiving help, they develop resilience. You help your child know she can rely on her helpers’ help when you:

• Anchor your child when he is angry or frightened by listening calmly and showing you understand.
  
  
• Let your child know you’re available to help her handle challenging situations.
  
  
• Remember that what seems trivial to you can feel monumental to your child. Accept your child’s feelings unconditionally.
  
  
• Be a cheerleader for your child -- champion his efforts.

What children draw from this:

• “I have people who will help me when I ask.”
  
  
• “I have people who listen and understand me when I’m angry or frightened.”
  
  
• “I have people in my life who love me no matter what I do.”
  
  
• “People in my life cheer on my success.”