Raising Resilient Kids
Strength-Based Approach
It’s not a matter of chance or luck that some children radiate a quiet confidence in themselves and a belief that difficult situations will get better.
Kids develop beliefs about themselves and their world through connections with their parents and, as they get older, from people outside their homes. In practical terms, that translates into choosing (or not choosing) to act in ways that build self-esteem and optimism.
It’s the small, everyday things that can leave your child feeling confident and optimistic – or uncertain and hopeless.
For example:
- When your 6-year-old son drops a glass of milk, you can express blame (a self-esteem killer) and a sense of being overwhelmed (a form of pessimism).
Or you can intentionally convey confidence in his ability to turn the situation around by calmly providing the support he needs to clean up the mess and pour another glass.
- When your ten-year-old daughter comes home from school distraught about being treated unfairly by her teacher, you might feel like commiserating with her feelings of upset and helplessness.
Serving as a source of strength for her is a more helpful choice. Listen with empathy and guide her through a problem-solving approach, providing her with the assistance she needs to resolve the situation.
You play a crucial part in growing your children’s capacity for resilience. You are:
- A source of strength for your children. When your child feels closely linked to you, he develops the ability to calm himself and move forward to set goals. The ability to calm down and refocus is a cornerstone of resilience.
- A source of acceptance for your children. When you understand and accept their feelings, they learn to feel positively about who they are. That increases their capacity for bouncing back from everyday incidents that wear down their self-esteem.
- A teacher and a role model. Allowing your child to learn from you as she strives to accomplish more tasks on her own also fosters resilience. When children feel capable and supported, they’re better able to deal with challenges. From you, they learn how to tap into their own strength.
