Raising Resilient Kids
How Can a Parent help Foster Resilience?
As a parent helping your children face challenging situations, you can help them learn how to draw upon support, self-esteem and capability.
For example: Lexie and her sister, Anna, are fighting over a toy. Anna punches Lexie in the stomach. How can you foster resilience in both children?
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Provide Support: My Helpers
Tell Lexie: “That really hurt! Are you okay? Come sit down.” Give her a hug.
These actions promote support; Lexie feels you understand and are concerned for her well-being. The hug communicates unconditional love.
Tell Anna: “Come over here and take a break. When you feel angry, you need to calm down instead of using your hands in an angry way.”
These actions support Anna by helping her manage her feelings.
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Self-Esteem: My Self
Tell Lexie and Anna: “This problem got a little out of control. You girls play together nicely much of the time. I know you can learn from this and work through new problems that come up without hitting.”
This statement builds self-esteem. Lexie and Anna hear the message that they can play well together, and they can feel good about themselves despite what just happened.
This sets the stage for the girls to work through the problem and feel more capable -- which in turn enhances self-esteem.
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Capability: My Strengths
Ask the girls:
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What was the problem?
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What could you have done differently?
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How would people feel differently?
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Which idea do you think is best?
Asking these questions and discussing what happened fosters resilience. They learn how to solve the problem. They not only bounce back from this situation, they also learn from it. When they face a similar problem, they’ll have tools to deal with it more effectively.
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Sense of Optimism: My Beliefs
Teach an optimistic style of approaching disagreements.: “Conflict is a part of life. It is okay that you had a disagreement. Adults have disagreements too. When people work through disagreements, then they can go back to enjoying being together. You can work through this and then have fun playing.”