MyParentingSource Learning Hub: Sibling Rivalry

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Seek Active Solutions for Predictable Difficulties Before They Happen (Read more...)

Super market meltdowns, morning madness, witching hour, can often be averted if limits are set ahead of time.

Dr. Ron Taffel, Psy D., Raising Your More Spirited Child, 2000 Cincinnati For the Love of Kids® Parenting Conference.

Resist the Urge to Compare Your Children Either Favorably or Unfavorably (Read more...)

Instead, describe what you like, what you don't like or what you would like from this child.

Adele Faber, M.A., Siblings Without Rivalry, 2000 Cincinnati For the Love of Kids® Parenting Conference.

Treat Children Uniquely Rather Than Equally (Read more...)

To be loved equally is to be less.

To be loved for your own special, separate self is to be loved as much as anyone needs to be loved.

Adele Faber, M.A., Siblings Without Rivalry, 2000 Cincinnati For the Love of Kids® Parenting Conference.

Avoid Labeling Children (Read more...)

"Joe is the athlete; Jim is the smart one." Both Joe and Jim need support and appreciation for their athletic and intellectual abilities.

Adele Faber, M.A., Siblings Without Rivalry, 2000 Cincinnati For the Love of Kids® Parenting Conference.

If possible, separate kids until they're calm. Sometimes it helps to give them space for a little while and talk about the conflict once their emotions have died down. Otherwise, the fight can escalate again.
Get a few facts, but don't put too much focus on figuring out which child is to blame. It takes two to fight — anyone involved is partly responsible.
Try to resolve the situation so that each child gains something. If both want the same thing and can’t agree, remove that thing from the negotiations and help them choose something else they can do together instead.
Use this as a learning experience to teach life skills. Home should be a safe practice ground for the outside world. Some things your children can learn include: valuing another’s opinion, empathizing, compromising, and controlling behavior.
Sometimes kids fight to get a parent's attention. If that’s the case, the incentive for fighting goes away when you leave the room. If you know you’re losing your patience, try asking the other parent to take over, if possible.