Understanding Temperaments

Accentuating the Positive, Working with Challenges

1. Activity Level. Take advantage of your child’s energy! Take walks together, kick the soccer ball, enjoy outings at the zoo. Exercise with your children. The connection and joy of these moments make life-long memories.
   
   If you’ve identified your child as highly active, you can structure his days to include physical activity. This will reduce the tension he may feel when he has to sit still.
   
   Even though highly active children may resist, they need their sleep! Your challenge will be tenfold with a sleep-deprived active child. The development of a nighttime/ naptime routine can create a calmer active child.
   
   When you know your active child will need to sit still for a long period of time (such as car travel), take frequent breaks to allow her to get out the wiggles. Provide plenty of sit-down activities.
   
   Learn to recognize when your child needs activity (acting bored, aggravating siblings, and/or trouble concentrating), and give him the opportunity to play and run.
   
   
2. Distractibility. Use your child’s distractibility to your advantage in your discipline techniques. If you have a young child who wants to play with something she shouldn’t, let her know why and then divert her to something else to avoid a power struggle.
   
   To work with the challenges of a distractible child, provide him with a comfortable, quiet environment, without a lot of stimulation. He can go there when he needs to complete homework and other tasks requiring concentration.
   
   
3. Intensity. To enjoy the positive qualities of this temperamental trait, you can take your child to athletic events and enjoy cheering your team on together (if you are not overly sensitive). Intense children can provide contagious laughter.
   
   To navigate the challenges, kids benefit from parents and other adults teaching them how to know their emotions and calm down.  They may need frequent breaks to keep themselves calm in order to focus on tasks like homework.
   
   
4. Regularity. Enjoy your child’s tendency not to function with a consistent rhythm! You’ll be better able to enjoy trips and non-routine events together. When plans change, your child may be better able to go with the flow.
   
   By contrast, if your child is regular, you can enjoy the structure it brings to your lives. For example, knowing you’ll have some quiet time after 8:00 pm every night.
   
   Both regularity and irregularity can bring challenges, especially if the parents’ temperaments conflict with the child’s. By knowing your child’s temperament, you can work with her to create a schedule that meets everyone’s needs.
   
   
5. Sensitivity. Enjoy this quality by seeing the world through your child’s eyes. You may discover things you never noticed before. A walk in nature may be especially enjoyable with a sensitive child.
   
   Sensitive children need empathy. They need their parents and caregivers to understand that the tag in their shirt really does bother them or a crowded mall is way too much stimulation.
   
   You can minimize exposure to unpleasant stimuli by shopping with a sensitive child when the mall is not crowded (if you need to bring her at all), or by cutting the tags in her shirts. Working through challenging situations with understanding and respect will help sensitive children be more confident and navigate their world more easily.
   
   
6. Approach/Withdrawal. You can increase the connection with a child who has trouble approaching new situations by serving as his anchor. With your coaching and the security of your presence, he will have a foundation for approaching situations more comfortably in the future.
   
   Allow her to approach situations cautiously, and with your support. The more positive experiences she has, the more comfortable she’ll become.
   
   
7. Adaptability. The positive:  A child who adapts more slowly may be less likely to rush into dangerous situations.
   
   Questions to assess adaptability: Does your child dislike surprises (slow to adapt) -- or enjoy them? Does your child have trouble getting going in the morning?  Falling to sleep at night? Is it hard for your child to switch activities?
   
   
8. Persistence. Persistence brings a long attention span. You can enjoy working on activities your persistent child enjoys for longer periods of time. Working on a large puzzle together or creating a project can be quite enjoyable and a wonderful bonding experience. You just need to structure your time and make sure your child clearly knows ahead of time when you’ll need to stop. A warning, such as, “We can work on this for ten more minutes,” can help.
   
   Persistent children need to know what’s coming. The use of limits and a timer can help them transition more easily. For a child who persists when told “No,” it’s helpful to -- as kindly and consistently as possible -- hold to the limits while still providing an opportunity for your child to make plans.
   
   
9. Mood. Appreciate your serious child for who he is.  You may enjoy quiet activities together. Parallel activities can provide opportunities to bond with your serious child. For example, you could sit down together and read your own books. Enjoy this quiet time!